Bottom Quotes
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#756 + ()/23 - [ Report ]
// During one of Mr. Kummer's stories
Mr. Kummer: Well, it was in the afternoon, and I walked into one of my 'watering holes,' and...
Student: Watering holes? You mean like starbucks?
Mr. Kummer: Um...no.
Someone else: Wait...in the afternoon, like during school?
// Later that class...
Mr. Kummer: Children, it's perfectly possible to sit in your favorite tavern, drink a beer, and not get drunk.
Someone: Any time?
Mr. Kummer: Yes, any time, even in the afternoon. -
#297 + ()/21 - [ Report ]
From an LJ of someone I met at Swarthmore:
[Lauren walks into room]
Woman: [reading e-mail] ...so she wants to know if she can have an extension on her paper.
Cothren: GOD! If she walked in here right now, that would be legitimate grounds for MURDER!
Woman: You think?
Cothren: I would do it with my own hands. If you promised not to tell the authorities. [Lauren titters nervously] I'm so sorry, why are you here?
Lauren: I'm a prospective Art History major?
Cothren: WONDERFUL! I didn't think we were going to have any. Please... er, could you please not tell anybody about the exchange you just overheard? I would, you know, appreciate... [Lauren shakes head] We'll be great friends, then! Into my office across the way?
Woman: If he tries anything funny, just scream and I'll hear you.
Cothren: [looking back, cackling] I know enough to gag the poor girl first. Really now. -
#205 + ()/33 - [ Report ]
Jack Breese: I was just cleaning my room, and I found a pair of pants I'd never seen before. And my mom was all "WTF! I'v never seen those either." I think I'll put them on ebay as haunted or something.
AntarcticPhoenix: o_O
Jack Breese: They were like, fat dude pants.
AntarcticPhoenix: they probably grew there
Jack Breese: wouldn't doubt it
AntarcticPhoenix: some of your other pants
AntarcticPhoenix: reproduced
AntarcticPhoenix: do pants spore?
Jack Breese: I'd bet they do. Asexual pants reproduction.
Jack Breese: Unless pants have penises.
Jack Breese: Do skirts have vaginas?
AntarcticPhoenix: .....
AntarcticPhoenix: o_O -
#5863 + ()/24 - [ Report ]
// In Gov, Mr. Zack handed out a sheet on the difference between democrats and republicans
The last line on the paper: A republican boy dates a democratic girl. He plans on marrying a republican girl, but feels entitled to a little fun first.
Mr. Zack: I'm going to hear about that one on back-to-school night.... -
#5833 + ()/20 - [ Report ]
// Discussing what is art and what is not art in English
Student: It depends on the artist, doesn't it?
Mrs. Bello: Yes. For example, Picasso made a picture with just three or four lines, and the painting in question resembled a woman's buttocks.
Mrs. Bello: If Picasso does that, it's called art. If I do that, it's kind of weird... -
#5809 + ()/20 - [ Report ]
// Discussing limits in Precalc
Dr. Osborne: I know these limits seem really easy now, but next year in Calculus, its a trap. You'll fall asleep, the first week of school, because it all seems so easy... Then, you'll wake up in October and BAM! You'll get hit like, like a GUILLOTINE!!
Lucas: Is it sharp?
Dr. Osborne: NO! IT'S HEAVY, METAL, AND DULL!!
Dr. Osborne: Sorry. But seriously, pay attention. -
#5673 + ()/20 - [ Report ]
// Introduction to Dante lecture
Mrs. Bello: In these early cantos, Dante puts himself with the great poets of antiquity, showing that he's arrogant.
Student: But he was a good poet, right?
Mrs. Bello: Yes. I mean, if you're going to be pompous and arrogant, at least be talented.
