TJbash.org

Bottom Quotes

• #1374 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Geoff and David are looking at the couples feature in the most recent TJ Today.
  Geoff: It would be really sweet if someone answered the question of "What brings you together?" with "Gravity!"
  David: Electrostatic attraction! Weak nuclear force!

• #1339 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Zack:  It's really hard to kill someone with a knife.  Try it some time.

  Tags: zack

• #1082 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  *Aman is sitting in class eating a pear, when the pear becomes the topic of conversation*
  Mr. Pollet: I told a girl she had a pear once.
  *pause*
  Mr. Pollet: She smacked me.

  Tags: pollet

• #1073 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // During drumline practice
  Brett: I don't want you to play this swing style, I want you to play it straight.
  *Brett demonstates*
  Brett: Ok, tenors, you first. Let's see how straight you guys are.   

• #1063 + (+22)/32 - [ Report ]

  // As submitted to TJbash in its entirety:
  
  Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

• #1039 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Watching a movie in history. Scene cuts to guy with long hair and beard.
  Mr. Maney: So that's King Charles I.
  Guy: Oh, I thought it was Jesus...

  Tags: history

• #1022 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Schwartz: Saran Wrap and/or Latex gloves are not reliable methods of birth control.

  Tags: schwartz

• #959 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // Playing chess with one white cork for a missing black pawn
  Peter: Use the white slave, he's the key to victory

• #878 + (+22)/30 - [ Report ]

  // On the bus
  Eli (with Laptop): OH MY GOD! HEAT DUMP ON MY HAND!
  :flips laptop over:
  Uh... Jack, is it a problem when my heatsink is glowing red?
  Jack: Yeah.  Hey, why don't you use that to forge the One Heatsink to COOL THEM ALL!
  Eli: I'm going to fucking stab you in the face.

• #865 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Student: Mrs. S, have you HAHed today yet?
  Mrs. S: What??
  Student: HAHed. Have you Helped A Hobo?
  Mrs. S: What?!
  Student: Helped. A. Hobo.
  Mrs. S: Ohhh! I thought you said humped a hobo. In any case, no, I've done neither today.

• #815 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Looking for a wife for Ethan the merchant
  Mr. McCarthy: Is there any female in this class who says, 'Yes! Yes! Abuse me!'?  ...I guess not. We'll work on getting you a wife later, Ethan.

  Tags: mccarthy

• #814 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // On morning announcments, a special "talk" from Ms. Lodal about "inappropriate dancing" during soc hops
  Ms. Lodal: Some people call it the grind, some people call it freaking, and some actually say it's like you're having sex standing up with your clothes on...
  // At the end of the announcement
  Ms. Lodal: Now I want you to be safe and healthy...

  Tags: lodal

• #711 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Maeda: Mrs. Vallone skipped school to see that play because it had naked people in it.
  Winn: That's nothing, one time on the Internet I saw this--
  Mike: Winn, don't finish that sentence!

  Tags: vallone

• #691 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Colglazier: Let's have a three way!
  Class: ...
  Mrs. Colglazier: Ok, we won't go there.

  Tags: colglazier topics

• #524 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Adele's been staying after school a lot...
  Adele: I don't remember the last time I went home on time.
  Deborah: What have you been staying after for? Softball? Physics?
  Anna: Aahh! Don't say the F-word!   

• #497 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. S. Rose is bringing pizzas in the hallway
  Someone: Pizzas...
  Dan Bastian: I don't know, we could trip him.
  Mr. S. Rose: Yes you could, but your life would be in your hands, and you would lose!

  Tags: s_rose

• #350 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  TheDanTran: how was your Latin AP?
  empakt137: rape. wait I'd say agressive consensual sex
  TheDanTran: ...   

• #283 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. Bagden cracks a bad joke, class doesn't laugh much
  Mr. Bagden: That wasn't much of a reaction. I'm disappointed.
  Michael Murphy: So are we, Mr. Bagden.

  Tags: bagden michael_murphy

• #217 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  Drew: Hey, let's make a Beowulf cluster to be our web server.
  Jack: You're not supposed to run PHP on multiple processors.
  Dan: Distributed PHP? That's awesome!
  BRJ: That's the greatest idea since, like, putting your foot in a blender.

  Tags: bryan_rau-jacobs

• #181 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // In the middle of a health class lecture:
  Dr. Deivert: Two-thirds of STDs are in people under 25.
  Drew: Why don't I have one?
  // In reference to the packet that was handed out      

• #5966 + (+23)/23 - [ Report ]

  // Dr. Glazer making an announcement over the loudspeaker
  Dr. Glazer: All spring athletes should check the inclement weather schedule. Changes have been made due to, um... *long pause* inclement weather.

  Tags: glazer

• #5852 + (+23)/33 - [ Report ]

  // Studying possesion in Latin
  // Ms. Lister is holding a book
  Lister: "I have my heavy book." Which is heavy, me or the book?
  Student: You!
  Lister: Okay, let's try a different example...

  Tags: latin lister

• #5676 + (+23)/29 - [ Report ]

  // In Parallel Computing with Dr. Torbert. We are discussing how to properly transfer data from different computers in the network.
  Student: So, what you're saying is it's not the size of the data that matters, but how you send it?
  Torbert: Oh, no. Size matters.

  Tags: syslab torbert

• #5087 + (+23)/29 - [ Report ]

  // First day of World History 2 with Mr. Sacks, doing an icebreaker
  Sacks: I'm a food whore. I'll eat anything and everything. Put something edible in the same room as me and I'll be the first at the table.
  Student A: I can bake something and bring it in.
  Sacks: Great!
  Student B: How about fruit?
  Sacks: *gags* Ugh, who eats that stuff?

  Tags: history sacks

• #4906 + (+23)/25 - [ Report ]

  // Talking about team teaching
  Mr. Struck: I'm not a very monogamous teacher. I've had up to three partners at once.

  Tags: struck

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