Bottom Quotes
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#2742 + ()/28 - [ Report ]
// Celebrating a birthday in the Gecan/Waterfall HUM
Waterfall: Well, Ms. Gecan is out sick today, so the picture and birthday hat will have to wait until she gets back.
Student: Why?
Waterfall: *points to big padlock and chain locking cabinet shut*
Waterfall: ...and I didn't bring my pistol in today... -
#1876 + ()/26 - [ Report ]
// First day of Forbes physics
Forbes: Well, I usually don't like to talk about myself a lot, but I guess I might as well tell you why FCPS trusts me to be in a room with you guys all alone.
Nick Brown: So what you're saying is, you're not a child molester?
Forbes: Well, not that anyone else knows about. -
#1873 + ()/32 - [ Report ]
// Day 1 of Hum with Ms. Millen-Martini
Callie: So, um, the salad bowl represents America because it mixes up a lot of different ingredients and... um, it makes a good side dish.
// Same assignment, different Hum rotation.
Ben: This salad represents the diversity of America, but it also shows the racism that comes with it. For example, um, there's like one mandarin orange slice here, and all of a sudden it's an Asian salad... -
#1221 + ()/24 - [ Report ]
// Discussion in Driver's Ed
Ms. Stetson: Yeah, Massachusetts drivers are horrible. You know, in New England there are lots of those roundabouts... I was driving once with my young kids, and all the other drivers were giving each other the finger. And my daughter asked me what it meant. So I told her it meant you were probably a really lousy driver. And then she started giving the other drivers the finger! So I had to tell her, "Sorry, I told you wrong... " Hey, I thought I was Doing The Right Thing by not telling her... -
#914 + ()/26 - [ Report ]
Will: Are you on LSD?
Teddy: What's that stand for?
Logan: Liquid Crystal Display
Teddy: No, L *S* D
Will: Liquid... Sex Display?
Logan: I don't think that type of display exists.
Teddy: I think our primary concern is the "liquid" part. If that's possible, rest assured that someone has displayed it on the web. -
#634 + ()/36 - [ Report ]
During Dr. Wood's urban deer town meeting simulation, B, an animal rights activist, gets into a fight with A, a prize winning rose gardener who hates deer.
B: In conclusion, deer are people too.
A: But people are people, too!
B: Deer are more important
Mayor: Thank you. Any questions for B?
A: So are you a vegetarian?
B: Of course!
A: What exactly do you think you're doing to the plant population?
B: --
A: Plants are people too!! -
#562 + ()/28 - [ Report ]
// Names removed to protect the innocent.
Girl: What are two more things I want college admissions people to know about me?
Boy: MY VIRGINITY IS A PRECIOUS THING TO ME!
G: My virginity?
G: "Yes, with all the horny boys at TJ, it's quite a challenge sometimes to keep my pants on." -
#440 + ()/26 - [ Report ]
vgguy2789: you see, like the many parts of a taco, there are different layers or aspects to this argument; some are apparent, equivalent to the crunchy shell.. but can you not see the beef, the fundamental truth behind the conscious belief of our humanity?
vgguy2789: the fact is, you cannot, because you choose not to see
Lechuck343: Maneesh, stop drawing metaphors from completely immaterial sources, such as fast food.
vgguy2789: you seal yourself away within walls of lettuce and cheese, hiding behind conflicted emotions
Lechuck343: And the whole "you choose not to see" is such cliched bullshit.
vgguy2789: only when you realize this can you enjoy all the tastes that the taco of life and consciousness has to offer
vgguy2789: this is the fundamental truth you must realize
Lechuck343: Maneesh...
Lechuck343: Shut the fuck up. -
#383 + ()/24 - [ Report ]
// From a Webster's Pocket Computer Dictionary, copyright 1997
"The good news is that most of the things you expect from a computer are achievable. The not-so-good news is that like any fine romance you have to work at it. Fortunately, romance with a computer is simpler than with a human because computers are so much more predictable." -
#339 + ()/26 - [ Report ]
// While discussing how we could do our own "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" radio play
Logan: Now we just need a Marvin.
Wil K. (enthusiastically): I could be Marvin!
Alfie: Not with that kind of attitude.
Wil K.: Oh... I mean, I could be Marvin, but I would be terrible at it, and everyone would hate me... even more.
