Bottom Quotes
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#2547 + ()/244 - [ Report ]
// Dr. Wood is answering questions in FLE and Danny is absent
Dr. Wood: I've had a lot of questions about when you know you're masturbating excessively. You know you're masturbating too much when it interferes with work, or school, or other things. So if it's preventing you from coming to school, you know you've been masturbating way too much.
*Everyone looks at Danny's empty seat*
Aviv: Danny!
*Everyone cracks up, including Dr. Wood*
Dr. Wood: That was a low blow. -
#2208 + ()/243 - [ Report ]
// AP Biology
Dr. Uston: So class, let's say that there is an amoeba, and it sees this tasty insect. How will it consume the insect?
Student: Uh, Dr. Uston... an insect is way bigger than an amoeba...
Dr. Uston: Okay, well... how about a gnat then?
Class: ...
Dr. Uston: *changes subject* -
#1107 + ()/255 - [ Report ]
// In Physics class
Mr. Bagden: I'm holding a number up behind my back, whoever guesses closest gets to do the demonstration. Evan, you're first.
Evan: Uhhh... five.
Mr. Bagden: Ok, Galen?
Galen: Seven, I read a book that says the number is always seven.
Mr. Bagden: I'm only holding one hand behind my back. -
#2593 + ()/276 - [ Report ]
Sh4d0wDusT: this kid at disney world
Sh4d0wDusT: was pointing a toy rifle
Sh4d0wDusT: at mickymouse
Sh4d0wDusT: off in the distance
Sh4d0wDusT: and some tj guy walks over
Sh4d0wDusT: and says to the kid to aim a bit to the left
Sh4d0wDusT: to account for the CORIOLIS EFFECT -
#422 + ()/294 - [ Report ]
// During 2nd period Tech class with new Tech teacher Mr. Pearce (from England)
Mr. Pearce: And this is how you do calculate the force.
Hannah: Your mom calculates the force.
Bart: Shut up.
Hayne: Your mom shuts up.
Bart: Just shut up and do it.
Ryan: Your mom does it. in bed. BUT NOT FOR FREE
*burst of laughter*
// 14 your mom jokes and 20 mins later
Bart: So you put the bar in there?
Julia: YOUR MOM PUTS THE BAR IN THERE... IN BED... FOR FREE!!!
Mr. Pearce: SHUT UP! ARE YOU SAYING THAT ALL AMERICAN MOTHERS ARE WHORES?
*everyone pauses... looks at each other*
Everyone in unison: YES!!!
Mr. Pearce (whispering): Bloody hell... -
#2610 + ()/289 - [ Report ]
// Psych class during summer school
Teacher: So these scientists had an experiment with monkeys where they had to work in order to get a banana. Over time, they noticed that the female monkeys were working less and less, but still recieved bananas. Curious, the scientists filmed the monkeys at night to see what was going on when they weren't there to observe the monkeys. The male monkeys would work for the banana and then trade it to the female monkey for sex: no banana, no sex. Basically, it was monkey prostitution.
Alex: *pulls banana from lunch and turns to classmate* Hey, Cayla... -
#1238 + ()/290 - [ Report ]
// In tech, while Mr. Pearce is checking photoresistors...
Mr. Pearce: Uh, looks like you have a small one there...
John Kim: Oh... does size matter?
Mr. Pearce: Sometimes. *giggles* John, you're disgusting.
John Kim: What!? Oh my god, I wasn't even thinking of that...
*students cracking up*
Mr. Pearce: Alright, well if you want a bigger one, come see me...
