TJbash.org

Quote Browser

• #1088 + (+10)/12 - [ Report ]

  Kian: Sometimes I need to take a step back and marvel at my stupidity.   

• #1087 + (+77)/81 - [ Report ]

  // Ms. Conklin is handing back tests.
  Conklin: I appologize, children, but I was grading these in bed last night watching TV and I think I spilled some tea on some of them.
  Sarah E: Umm, Ms. Conklin? Mine has blood on it.

  Tags: conklin

• #1086 + (+55)/57 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Chhabra: You know what they say, "If life sucks, you just suck it right back."

  Tags: chhabra

• #1085 + (+43)/47 - [ Report ]

  Jesse: Did you know if you die in the same place you were born you did no work?

  Tags: physics

• #1084 + (+2094)/3014 - [ Report ]

  // From the late 90s, but classic nevertheless...
  Mr. McFaden: *walking through a chattering class, very quietly* Sex.
  Class: *keeps talking, does not notice*
  Mr. McFaden: *still very quietly* Extra credit.
  Class: *perks up* Did you say extra credit? What?
  Mr. McFaden: From a biological standpoint, that's just WRONG.

  Tags: mcfaden

• #1083 + (+27)/27 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing apple pie as a part of American culture in anthropology
  Student: Apple pie is American.
  Another student: I've never had apple pie...
  Ms. Gecan: Ok, you guys, see, she hasn't had apple pie before.  Is she an American?
  Whole class: NO!!!

  Tags: gecan

• #1082 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  *Aman is sitting in class eating a pear, when the pear becomes the topic of conversation*
  Mr. Pollet: I told a girl she had a pear once.
  *pause*
  Mr. Pollet: She smacked me.

  Tags: pollet

• #1081 + (+221)/225 - [ Report ]

  // Day before the snow day, when everyone was anxious for the snow to start
  Mr. Pollet: Is it snowing already?!
  Max So: YEAH! *runs out of the room*
  Mr. Pollet: Is that all it takes to get rid of him? If I had known that, I would have said it in early September.

  Tags: pollet

• #1079 + (+379)/413 - [ Report ]

  Student: Mr. Richardson... does the big red "BS" written on my paper mean bullshit?
  Mr. R: It means Be Specific.
  Student: Oh, okay!
  Mr. R: Also, it means bullshit.

  Tags: richardson

• #1078 + (+17)/25 - [ Report ]

  // In Drivers Ed
  Our entire table: GOOD AFTERNOON MS. STETSON!
  Ms. Stetson: WHAT THE -

• #1076 + (+80)/84 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. McFaden in the middle of giving a daily 5 point quiz:
  Cheli Bleda: You're wearing brown pants with black shoes!
  Mr. McFaden: What's wrong with my wife?
  Kathy Bian: Is that a quiz question?
  Jean Suh: She married you!

  Tags: cheli_bleda jean_suh kathy_bian mcfaden

• #1075 + (+12)/14 - [ Report ]

  // A(girl) and D(guy) are in a large, mix-gender group eating KFC.
  A: wtf where's the dark meat?I'm looking for a drumstick.
  Random other person: I dunno. D bought the chicken.
  D: I like breasts.
  *awkward pause*
  D: I mean, I do, but in this case that came out wrong.

• #1074 + (+60)/66 - [ Report ]

  // Driver's Ed class - Ms. Stetson is lecturing, and everyone is falling asleep
  Stetson: SEX.
  *all guys perk up*
  Stetson: Ha, I knew that would get your attention!

  Tags: stetson

• #1073 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // During drumline practice
  Brett: I don't want you to play this swing style, I want you to play it straight.
  *Brett demonstates*
  Brett: Ok, tenors, you first. Let's see how straight you guys are.   

• #1072 + (+73)/93 - [ Report ]

  // Y and Z are walking to Y's car
  Y: Ok, let's just put this stuff in my trunk.
  // Y opens trunk of car, which is filled with all sorts of clutter and stuff.
  Z: Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?
  Y: I'm gonna throw it at people that sing that song.
  Z: Oh. 

• #1071 + (−4)/12 - [ Report ]

  // In physics class
  Junior: Dude, I miss mgy class so much.
  Other Junior: What are you talking about?
  Junior: ...
  Other Junior: ...?
  Junior: PE = mgy
  Other Junior: *groan* 

• #1070 + (−26)/30 - [ Report ]

  // Phlyerphan01 has made a horrible pun.
  ***phlyerphan01 cringes
  ***Evan Silberman kills you
  ***phlyerphan01 uses Pheonix Down.
  phlyerphan01: *9999 hovers above head*
  Evan Silberman: That's just wrong.
  phlyerphan01: yes

• #1069 + (+364)/392 - [ Report ]

  // In history, during a Constitutional Convention role-play...
  Ben (James Madison): I'll defer to Dr. Franklin, as my wife loves his stoves.
  Arian (Benjamin Franklin): Oh, that's not all she loves!
  Mrs. Vallone (George Washington): Of course, he's referring to his lightning rod.

  Tags: history vallone

• #1068 + (+9)/11 - [ Report ]

  // A discussion of Christmas carols
  Catherine: But what exactly IS a manger?
  Deborah: An inverted trapezoidal prism!   

• #1067 + (−6)/18 - [ Report ]

  // During summer compsci, Ariel is having trouble with her program, a "dice game".
  Ariel: See, it's "Rolling" or randomly generating the number, but the picture isn't showing up!
  Michael (upperclassman aid): NO DICE!!   

• #1066 + (+7)/7 - [ Report ]

  // Dr. Walker is bragging about his car
  Chris: Well, my car's better, its faster.
  Stuart: Drag race, after school.
  Chris: Ya, lets drag race.
  Stuart: And I can be the Drag Queen!   

• #1065 + (+50)/52 - [ Report ]

  // In health class, Dr. Deivert is handing out a paper on the male reproductive system
  
  Dr. Deivert: Contrary to popular belief, *turns paper upside down so that penis drawing angles up* that is NOT a guy in a space suit waving at you.

  Tags: deivert health

• #1064 + (−3)/11 - [ Report ]

  A: I'm going to go play cd right now
  A: *cs
  B: u mean work on cs?
  A: only at TJ do people hear cs and think compsci
  B: true
  B: lol and also only at TJ do ppl hear cd and think change directory

• #1063 + (+22)/32 - [ Report ]

  // As submitted to TJbash in its entirety:
  
  Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

• #1062 + (+31)/33 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Koepnick: My husband fell off his pelvis and broke his bicycle, he tried to walk home that way but it didn't work...wait...

  Tags: koepnick

©2005-2015 Eric Harmon, Victor Mircea, Dan Tran, Nathan Watson.