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• #619 + (−10)/12 - [ Report ]

  xhuwin: Don't go calling him an ass hole or antyhing.
  xhuwin: that would be temerious.
  HellHawk123: HellHawk123: YOU ASSHOLE!!
  HellHawk123: dude you read me like a book

• #618 + (+27)/27 - [ Report ]

  Zack: Those linguists are perverts. What kind of field uses words like "dipthong" and "labial fricative"?

• #617 + (−6)/12 - [ Report ]

  // An LJ entry
  
  This morning, while half-asleep, I really put my foot down regarding...myself.
  
  "Me: I don't want to go to work! I hate it and it sucks! Blah blah blah blah blah!
  Myself: OKAY! I GET IT! I know you don't like work, so shut up about it!
  Me: You suck!
  Myself: No, you suck!"
  
  Fortunately at this point NPR woke me up.
  
  Really, the whole thing would have been a lot less surreal if part of me had not been represented in this argument by a stick of butter.

• #615 + (+144)/162 - [ Report ]

  Geoff:
  Biology is the art of wet things (fetal pigs), knives (knives), and knifing wet things (knifing fetal pigs).
  Chemistry is the art of things that you drink (ethyl alcohol), and things that you really shouldn't drink (fire).
  Physics is the art of every fucking thing around you (the sun, the sky, love).
  Geosystems is the art of checking your livejournal (F5! F5!).

  Tags: biology chemistry geoff_emmer geosystems physics

• #614 + (+32)/32 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Forbes: I could have had a life... instead, I became a teacher.

  Tags: forbes

• #613 + (+130)/132 - [ Report ]

  Ji: I don't like Family Guy because it is poorly drawn.
  Will: Well, the Simpsons are all yellow!
  Ji: Well, I'm asian so I feel more comfortable watching them that way.   

• #612 + (−1)/11 - [ Report ]

  Dan Wright: My style is impeccable. Try to peck it--you CAN'T.

  Tags: dan_wright

• #611 + (+141)/147 - [ Report ]

  littleminihaha33: haha that reminds me, during english we had this project where we interacted with 5th graders
  littleminihaha33: and they wrote letters to us
  littleminihaha33: one of them wrote
  littleminihaha33: My mom had me because my dad was allergic to dogs.

  Tags: english

• #610 + (−39)/41 - [ Report ]

  darkwinggtr: is that an ejaculation to your liking?

• #609 + (+4)/10 - [ Report ]

  Markst0rm: TIERRA
  Markst0rm: FUEGO
  Markst0rm: VIENTO
  Markst0rm: AGUA
  Markst0rm: CORAZON
  Markst0rm: Por tus energias combinados, yo soy El Capian del Planeto!
  Markst0rm: *Capitan

• #608 + (−231)/257 - [ Report ]

  // On a bus ride
  Nathalie: Cameron, can you close that window? It's freezing up here.
  Cameron: Well it's really hot back here!
  Nathalie: Then take off your coat, you moron!   

• #607 + (−13)/17 - [ Report ]

  Alice: "I mean, I just had two guys dive for my lap."

• #606 + (+47)/49 - [ Report ]

  // On Class Color Day during Homecoming, between a sophomore (white) and freshman (red)
  Jason: Haha, communist! Red is the color of communism, you know.
  Becca: Oh yeah?? Well white is the color of... um... virginity...
  Jason: Yeah, and I don't see much white on *you*...      

• #605 + (+9)/15 - [ Report ]

  x: hey did you know that studies have shown that calcium helps reduce the symptoms of PMS?
  n: you are such an idiot
  n: why are you telling me this?

• #604 + (+7)/9 - [ Report ]

  xxthec c h a n g: i guess the moral is
  xxthec c h a n g: never have sex with exotic birds
  xxthec c h a n g: especially if you're a penguin

• #603 + (+78)/82 - [ Report ]

  // In reference to the case in which someone spilled coffee in her lap, was burned, and sued McDonalds for having hot coffee
  Ms. Horton: It's just stupid. Who would ever want to put anything hot or warm between their legs? ...oh wait, nevermind.

  Tags: horton

• #602 + (+112)/112 - [ Report ]

  Ms. Schmid: Teaching is like leading a bunch of horses to water... and then watching them DIE OF THIRST.

  Tags: schmid

• #601 + (+9)/11 - [ Report ]

  xhuwin: it's like the onlytyhing i can do to be not bored
  xhuwin: is doing dishes
  HellHawk123: ...................
  xhuwin: cleaning, mind you

• #600 + (+50)/50 - [ Report ]

  Ms. Horton: Abstinence? Oh yeah, that's a definite no-no. -- I MEAN A YES!

  Tags: health horton

• #599 + (+35)/35 - [ Report ]

  Dr. Acio: Say you have a heavy smoker, and he has a heart attack, and you're giving him CPR. Don't give him pure O2; why? Because his body's used to carbon monoxide!
  Bill: So do you give him a cigarette?

• #598 + (+109)/125 - [ Report ]

  HellHawk123: i did a little spring cleaning and cut down like 40 GBs on my  computer
  HellHawk123: say anything related to porn and i will kill you
  xhuwin: you mean you deleted all your
  xhuwin: damn

• #597 + (+12)/12 - [ Report ]

  // After a video chat where Ryan brings his laptop outside
  Ryan McLean disconnected
  Ryan McLean connected
  Ryan McLean: a bird crapped on my screen

  Tags: ryan_mclean

• #596 + (−20)/34 - [ Report ]

  car: twiz, keep your damn pants on
  twiz: i'm sorry, i can't! they keep coming off by themselves, i can't help it!

• #595 + (−9)/15 - [ Report ]

  ***ywlke288 diverts to inflict pain on stebby's balls instead
  stebbyguy: o.O
  ywlke288: yes thats what they look like now

• #594 + (−3)/9 - [ Report ]

  A: I think she got eaten by unicorns.
  B: Um...
  A: Something wrong?
  B: I haven't seen any unicorns around lately.
  A: That's because they're all busy eating her.

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