Quote Browser
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#4768 + ()/131 - [ Report ]
// In the syslab, at the end of lunch
// phone rings
Student: *picks up phone* Hello. You have reached the computer systems lab, room 115. To speak to a human, please press one. [in Spanish] For Spanish, press two. [in German] For German, press three. [in English again] To hear your options again press--Hello? Oh, he is not here right now. Can I take a message? -
#4757 + ()/82 - [ Report ]
// Talking about fingernails
Uston: Now, does anyone know the evolutionary purpose of fingernails?
Class:...
Uston: Well, if you were in a fight, what is the first thing you would do to the other guy?
Student: ...kick him between the legs?
Uston: No! You would poke the other guy in the eyes! The fingernails do a really great job at penetrating the eyeballs!
Class: *dumbfounded expression*
// Several minutes later
Uston: Now, does anyone know why we have evolved elbows?
Uston: Because if someone grabs you from behind, you can ELBOW them in the stomach!
Class: ................ -
#4756 + ()/306 - [ Report ]
// Mr. McFaden is explaining homologous chromosomes
Mr. McFaden: You know how each chromosome matches the other one, just like your hands? I'll show you...
*holds out his pinkies* You've got your homologous pinkies...
*ring fingers* Ring fingers...
*middle fingers* Communicators... -
#4745 + ()/60 - [ Report ]
// Jad isn't paying attention during Physics
Mr. Rose: Jad, what are you up to? What are you doing?
Jad: Nothing! Physics!
*Mr. Rose takes the book Jad is reading under the desk*
Mr. Rose: What is this, Stephen Meyer, is this good?
Jad: Uh...
// The book is, of course, "Breaking Dawn" by Stephanie Meyer. -
#4741 + ()/9 - [ Report ]
// In energy systems, Mr. Kemp is looking for a good example of an adapter. He rummages around the classroom and comes back with a hammer.
Mr. Kemp: All good learning experiences start with a hammer!
Class: *breathless expectation*
*Kemp finds a stray adapter and commences hammering*
Class: YES! -
#4737 + ()/108 - [ Report ]
Corinna: I KNOW that we have a quiz today, Mr. Richardson, I bet you five dollars.
Mr. Richardson: Okay, then give me the five dollars.
*Corinna hands over the five dollars*
Mr. Richardson: Well, you were right. We _were_ going to have a quiz today... but I would rather have the five dollars. -
#4732 + ()/19 - [ Report ]
// In Quizbowl, K has just called someone an ass, but Mrs. Gecan didn't hear
K: Mrs. Gecan, am I allowed to use the derogatory term for "donkey" here?
Mrs. Gecan: You mean "dumbass"?
K: Well, that too, but I was thinking "ass."
Mrs. Gecan: Oh yeah, that's fine... just make sure it's justified.
