Quote Browser
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#3857 + ()/213 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Blackwell is subbing for Mr. Williams, calling roll.
Mr. Blackwell: You see, I have perfect attendance for my classes, because when people don't show up, we get to spread rumors about them. Is Meghan here?
Meghan: Here.
Mr. Blackwell: Margaret? Margaret?
Student: Nope.
Mr. Blackwell: She must have ditched to "have fun" with her boyfriend. What guys are missing today?
Student: Mr. Williams.
Class: O.o -
#3845 + ()/50 - [ Report ]
// During Junior ethics seminar
Stueben: So some day in the future you are going to get married. And you are going to buy a house. Your wife is going to say "I want to paint the kitchen blue!" And you will say "Well I want to paint the kitchen brown!" And you two will argue over this for months until you finally cave in and paint the kitchen blue because you miss the sex, so this whole argument will have been totally pointless and you will be bitter about it every time you walk into your kitchen.
Student: Let me guess, your kitchen is painted blue?
Stueben: No, purple. -
#3843 + ()/35 - [ Report ]
// During Accelerated Comp Sci
Stueben: So there once was a man who worked at a factory trimming the edges off of books. He would slide the book into a slot and a big blade would come down and cut it. Once a piece of paper got stuck in the slot, so he reached in to move it, and the blade came down and sliced off his hand. Shocked, he reached in to pull his hand out, and the blade sliced off his other hand. What do you call a man like this?
Student: What?
Stueben: A bloody idiot! -
#3842 + ()/45 - [ Report ]
// During Accelerated Comp Sci
Stueben: So let me tell you all a story about a little mouse.
*45 minutes later after he explains in great detail how the mouse built a big house in the country, visited the city and almost got killed, and proceeded to tear down his house and move in to the city*
Stueben: Alright. That's it. Get to work.
Class: What was the point of that story?
Stueben: Oh, there was no point, I just tell these stories for my own benefit. -
#3841 + ()/50 - [ Report ]
// During Junior ethics seminar
Stueben: So this one time my wife comes up to me and says "I have the greatest idea! Let's go on vacation to San Francisco this week! It will be so great, we can go sailing and touring and eat at all the fabulous restaurants!" And I said "Sure! Let's go!" Except it was a total lie. I really didn't want to go at all. All I wanted to do was sit in my basement and solve math problems. -
#3840 + ()/169 - [ Report ]
// Talking about electronics class
Craig: So on the first day of class, I thought I put a 1k ohm resistor in my circuit. The thing was, it was only a 1 ohm resistor. It exploded and there was an inch long jet of flame coming out of the side directed at my finger...
Harry: OHMed!!!!!
