Search Results
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#6000 + ( )/13 - [ Report ]
Mr Williams: SO why wouldn't [insert utopia here] work out?
Lily: Because if nobody worked then who would make all the potato chips and TV shows we sat around eating and watching?
Mr. Williams: So you're saying that there has to be some sort of balance for that to work out? You have to put in work to enjoy the fruits of labor? Yeah, I've had that problem before. So I read somewhere that half of America is fat, so I thought, "Oh, in America, I'll fit in perfectly." So I get to TJ, and nobody's fat, and I stand out. And then I visit the rest of NoVA, and nobody's fat. So I'm wondering, "Where are all the fat people? Isn't half of America supposed to be fat? Where are the fat people to balance out all these skinny people?"
Mr. Williams: And then I get to Oklahoma, and I'm like "OHHH! THERE THEY ARE!!" -
#5775 + ( )/75 - [ Report ]
// On first day of school, going over syllabus
Williams: When I first started teaching, I applied for a job at Lake Braddock, and at the interview one of the first questions they asked was “What kind of syllabus do you use?”, so I said “Oh, just the regular one.” But in my head I was thinking, 'Oh dear god, what’s a syllabus?' -
#4899 + ( )/63 - [ Report ]
// HUM I English
Class: Mr. Williams! Can you sponsor our class!
Mr Williams: Oh God, no! I have enough trouble with the debate team. I mean, I like the debate team, but being a sponsor is very labor-intensive, so I wouldn't want to be the sophomore class sponsor. I'd rather slit my wrists and give birth to a chair first. -
#4545 + ( )/90 - [ Report ]
// In Hum I English talking about when Mr. Williams worked at Lake Braddock
Mr. Williams: Actually, it was my first day of teaching 9th grade, and I forgot what 9th graders were like. There were two guys with hairless legs and booming voices and I thought "AHH, TRANSVESTITES!" -
#3857 + ( )/213 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Blackwell is subbing for Mr. Williams, calling roll.
Mr. Blackwell: You see, I have perfect attendance for my classes, because when people don't show up, we get to spread rumors about them. Is Meghan here?
Meghan: Here.
Mr. Blackwell: Margaret? Margaret?
Student: Nope.
Mr. Blackwell: She must have ditched to "have fun" with her boyfriend. What guys are missing today?
Student: Mr. Williams.
Class: O.o -
#3724 + ( )/88 - [ Report ]
// Eating lunch in Mr. Williams's room. Mr. Williams overhears.
Student 1: Man, you've never had a chance with ANY chick.
Student 2: I've had plenty of chances with chicks.
Student 1: Yeah, and you blew them all.
Student 1: The chances, that is, not the chicks.
Mr. Williams: HAHAHAHA... wait, what? You can't blow chicks! -
#3722 + ( )/109 - [ Report ]
// 2005-06: In Mr. Williams' English class playing literary charades
*Robert picks a topic out of a hat*
*Robert stares blankly then walks over to the door and begins humping the door knob*
*Class stares and Mr. Williams bursts out laughing*
Robert: C'MON PEOPLE! IT'S 'THE RAPE OF THE LOCK'! -
#3181 + ( )/51 - [ Report ]
// In Mr. Williams' class, analyzing "Hey diddle diddle" and talking about close reading
Sam: Well, I think that there's a lot of sexual innuendo in this poem.
Mr. Williams: Yeah, I know what you mean-- "fiddle" could mean anything.
Nihaar: Well, they do have G-strings and F-holes... -
#2887 + ( )/96 - [ Report ]
// Discussion in a car
Samantha: I know, I'm so curious to find out what teachers were like as kids.
Julie: I know, my curiosity is killing me. One of these days I'm going to burst out in the middle of English class: "Mr. Williams! What were you like as a high-schooler? Were you a nerd? Were you a bookworm? DID YOU HAVE FRIENDS?!"
Mom: You might want to skip that last one, Julie. -
#2676 + ( )/212 - [ Report ]
//First day of HUM 1, Mr. Williams is going around the class asking people what distinguishes them from everyone else
Mr. Williams: So Asha, what's special about you?
Asha: I don't know...
Mr. Williams: Okay, say Asha was really happy one day. So she's so jolly that she runs out of school and skips across Braddock Road. At the same time, Katherine is driving down Braddock Road and sees Asha skipping across. She thinks, "Oh Asha, that bitch! I hate her!" and runs her over. Asha, what would people say about you at your funeral? -
#2674 + ( )/63 - [ Report ]
Mr. Sacks: So hypothetically, if you're 22 and you have a wife and a child, and absolutely nothing else in modern day and you're given the choice to go back in time and become a hunter-gatherer, do you do it?
Someone: You have a wife right?
Mr. Sacks: Well she's more of a mating partner.
Sam Zhang: Can you have multiple mating partners?
-laughter-
Eric, smiling: So you're sleeping in a car?
Mr. Sacks: Eric's like, 'Yeah! I'm sleeping with a woman!'
Mr. Williams: Oh, that happened to me once... -
#2545 + ( )/98 - [ Report ]
// In Mr. William's English class
Student 1: Yeah, they have competitions for reciting pi. They have to take breaks because it goes on for multiple days.
Mr. Williams: Ah, that's horrible!
Student 2: Well, not really... if you're into that kind of thing.
Mr. Williams: Yeah, but you can also be into eating shit and it's still disgusting. -
#2516 + ( )/36 - [ Report ]
Mr. Williams: You know what the worst thing I saw when I went to Japan?
Class: ...
Mr. Williams: Ugh, I don't want to talk about it.
Class: NO! NO! Tell us!!
Mr. Williams: Well I saw these Japanese people making enema art! How disgusting is that? I mean, who would want to buy crap on canvas? Does it come out as a lump or liquid?