Top Quotes
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#1800 + ()/50 - [ Report ]
Sherwin: did she say we're finishing presentations tomorrow?
Jeff: ummm
Jeff: ok do you want the $100 answer or the $5 answer?
Sherwin: i'll go for $52.50
Jeff: CALCULATING...
Jeff: PLEASE REFER TO MANUAL. IF YOU WOULD LIKE A GUESS, PRESS 1
Jeff: SI HABLA ESPANOL Y PREFIERE OIR EN LO, DIGA 2
Sherwin: 1
Jeff: CALCULATING...
Jeff: ERROR 500 - INTERNAL SERVER ERROR, PLEASE TRY AGAIN IN SEVERAL MINUTES
Sherwin: do you know the answer or not
Jeff: CALCULATING...
Jeff: GUESS: YES, % ERROR: +- 2 DAY(s) -
#1540 + ()/40 - [ Report ]
// In health, before the "What if I'm Gay?" video
Beau: I think this activity is actually pretty stupid because it relies on biases.
Mr. Hodges: You just hit the point of it exactly.
Beau: Can we watch the video now?
Mr. Hodges: Not yet. We have to discuss this first.
Ryan: But what if I'm gay now? -
#731 + ()/40 - [ Report ]
// In Astronomy, discussing when the planets will be aligned in a row
Mrs. Hennig: ... for all nine planets, it happens about once every 180 years.
Someone: When was the last time it happened?
Mrs. Hennig: 1980...
Class: *groan* We won't be alive the next time!
Pledger: ... not with THAT attitude. -
#488 + ()/40 - [ Report ]
// Logan is using beowulf (a computer in the syslab)
Alex: You're not using Antigone? You're cheating on her!
Logan: I can't, someone else is on her. She's being raped.
Alex: And so you go off and use some other computer? You bastard!
Logan: The rules aren't the same for computers as they are for people.
Alex: Oh, you say that, but don't get mad when one day you see Antigone off frolicking with, say me.
Logan: Computers don't frolick! -
#425 + ()/38 - [ Report ]
// In Techlab
Latimer: I've changed for the better. From now on, instead of saying "no", I will say, "that's an excellent idea." I'm going to be more positive!
Alex: Mr. Latimer, can we not do projects this year?
Latimer: Ooh...
Matt: Mr. Latimer, can we have doughnuts?
Latimer: That's an excellent idea! -
#303 + ()/44 - [ Report ]
// In the lunch line at the National Science Bowl
Logan: My favorite chemicals are methyl hydrazine and 1,3,5-triazine.
Anon: Methyl hydrazine, CH3N2H3. What's 1,3,5-triazine?
Logan: Three hydrogen cyanides joined in a ring. Or, you could, of course, flip one of them to get 1,2,4-triazine.
Anon: I see. And you could flip another one to get.. oh, wait, that puts you back where you started. Well, my favorite chemical is 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine.
Logan: What's that?
Anon: Caffeine.
Logan: Oh! I see. That is a popular chemical.
...
Logan: Y'know, if caffeine were an illegal drug, TJ would be like Columbia. -
#188 + ()/42 - [ Report ]
HellHawk123: Busy planning to be spontaneous.
HellHawk123: i love that
xCake273: it actually makes sense
xCake273: cause he PLANS to be spontaneous
xCake273: but the acutal being spontaneous part is spontaneous
HellHawk123: k it was supposed to be a simple oxymoron
HellHawk123: BUT YOU FUCKED IT UP -
#5747 + ()/41 - [ Report ]
// Discussing Type A and Type B characteristics in psychology
Majeske: So when are you Type A?
Student: When I get to school, I guess.
Majeske: So when you turn on Braddock Road, do you rip open your jacket and display your Type A-ness?
Class: *explodes with laughter*
Class: ANUS!
Majeske: *facepalm* -
#4332 + ()/39 - [ Report ]
// Dr. Jones explaining a chem lab
Dr. Jones: Every year I have people who say 'The precipitate disappeared, but nothing happened!' Guys, if the precipitate disappeared, did something happen?
Everyone: Yes...
Dr. Jones: I'm like WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING? If the precipitate disappeared, that means something happened! -
#3816 + ()/53 - [ Report ]
// Substituting for Bello's HUM
Blackwell: I recommend you guys never to answer this question if anyone asks you this: What is your favorite fruit. Once you give the answer, the person will know everything about you: your hobbies, your favorite color, your sexual preferences...
Student: So what is your favorite fruit, Mr. Blackwell.
Blackwell: Oh, I rather not say.
Class: C'mon. Please?
Blackwell: Well, if you all insist. A pineapple.
Class: ??
Blackwell: Oh yes. You can do all sorts of things with a pineapple. You can eat it, you can throw it, you can rub it on your back, you can use it as a dangerous weapon...
