Top Quotes
-
#1181 + ()/218 - [ Report ]
J: Wow. I got owned by a math test today.
K: What was it on?
J: Like, everything. Here's a sample question: If three students run the mile, given the fact that it was 87.5 degrees that day with a wind factor of 78*34^4.56-8, and one of them was hungry, and one of them has asthma, what are their middle names?
K: Ouch. -
#4011 + ()/193 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Blackwell is subbing for Mr. Struck in US History. Mr. Kummer is in the room also.
Mr. Blackwell: Actually, Mr. Kummer and I were responsible for Lincoln's assassination.
Mr. Kummer: Yeah, we time traveled back to stop it, but we caused such a riot that the guard left his post, so Lincoln was killed.
Mr. Kummer: We've done a lot of that stuff; Kennedy assassination, Archduke Ferdinand...
Mr. Blackwell: We were also responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus.
Mr. Kummer: Actually, that was Mr. Struck.
Collin: And he didn't even have to time travel. -
#1495 + ()/204 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Lampazzi's class is mating fruit flies
Mr. Lampazzi: So on Friday, I turned down the lights and put on soft jazz music to put them in the mood. When I came back this morning, the radio was blaring Black Eyed Peas 99.5 and the Drosophila definitely weren't following TJ's dance guidelines... -
#2157 + ()/188 - [ Report ]
// French class
Substitute: Okay, everyone.. I only speak English, but your teacher left me a note to give extra food to those who speak the most French.
Nicole: (in French) Fuck this.
Substitute: You there! Nicole, is it? You seem enthusiastic enough... More food for you! -
#5603 + ()/179 - [ Report ]
// Freshman girl walks into Mr. Lewis' room on a red day
FG: Um, is Mr. Lewis here?
Mr. Kosek: No, he's in a different room on red days. For today, this is Mr. Kosek's room.
FG: Wait! You're Mr. Kosek? Whoa, they were right!
Mr. Kosek: ....who was right about what?
FG: NEVERMIND. -
#2836 + ()/173 - [ Report ]
// Handing out those federal tax forms before class
Student: Why do we have to fill these things out again?
Mr. Zack: Well, basically, since military and government properties don't have to pay property taxes on their land...
*LONG explanation, with lots of interruptions*
Mr. Zack: ...So if your parents work for the government or the military, you have to fill out the form and--
Other Student: So basically they want more money?
Mr. Zack: *sighs* Yes, it's very important that we get more funding for the school system, and--
Bobby: But what if I don't _want_ the school system to get more money? What if--
Mr. Zack: I want my RAISE, damnit! FILL OUT THE DAMN FORM! -
#2390 + ()/174 - [ Report ]
// Dr. Castaldo gave us four weeks to write an 8 page research paper. This conversation took place 8PM the night before it was due.
Masanko0631: how far are you
PenguinNinja999: haven't done anything yet
PenguinNinja999: in fact, i hafta rewrite intro
PenguinNinja999: so im on 0 pages
PenguinNinja999: i just emailed her tho
PenguinNinja999: asking what my paper is supposed to be about
PenguinNinja999: in retrospect, that might not have been the brightest idea -
#696 + ()/172 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Struck thinks he is having a heart attack
Student: Mr. Kummer, come quick! I think Mr. Struck has passed out!
// Mr. Kummer enters Mr. Struck's classroom. Mr. Struck is laying back on his chair
Mr. Struck: Now I know I'm dead... *looks at Mr. Kummer* I'm in hell.
// Admin note: Quote correction submitted by Mr. Struck himself... -
#3576 + ()/177 - [ Report ]
// Emma is playing assassins and just got Ms. Montgomery to escort her to class by simply saying "Someone is trying to kill me."
// Ms. Montgomery is concerned and talks to Dr. Dell. Dr. Dell then addresses the class.
Dr. Dell: I don't care if you guys play assassins, but once you start telling teachers that you're going to be killed without explaining it, that's bad. If you do this again, I'm going to join every alliance and KILL YOU ALL. -
#1535 + ()/187 - [ Report ]
Stephanie: Do you respond to Doc Walk?
Dr. Walker: Yup.
Macs: Do you respond to Stacy?
*pause*
Dr. Walker: Actually, Mr. Bagden calls me Doc Walk.
Macs: Oh, I thought you were gonna say that Mr. Bagden calls you Stacy.
Dr. Walker: Nope.
*pause*
Macs: Can I call you Stacy?
Dr. Walker: Go do physics. -
#1212 + ()/176 - [ Report ]
Mr. Kummer: Americans are fascinated with numbers. The media takes advantage of this. You can't look at a magazine without seeing numbers.
-A student pulls out a copy of Cosmopolitan and hands it to Mr. Kummer, who proceeds to point out examples of numbers in the media, including "50 Ways To Please Your Boyfriend"-
Mr. Kummer: I'll read my horoscope for January. Is anyone else a Cancer? 'The scintillating sex leaves you panting.' -He pauses.-
Student: Is that accurate, Mr. Kummer?
Mr. Kummer: I don't know, January just started. I'll keep you posted.
