Top Quotes
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#1459 + ()/183 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Potoker on why health class is important.
Mr. Potoker: Yes, you say that now - you won't take drugs or alcohol. But when you TJ kids get together with your calculator parties, passing around your batteries, you forget ALL ABOUT THAT. So you have to learn WHY taking drugs and alcohol is bad. -
#1513 + ()/234 - [ Report ]
// Astronomy, discussing different galaxies
Ms. Hennig: There are elliptical galaxies, spiral galaxies, and...can anyone guess the last one?
Pledger: Blobical galaxies?
Ms. Hennig: Blobical?
Pledger: You know, as in the shape of a blob.
// For those who are interested, the correct answer was "irregular". -
#5604 + ()/168 - [ Report ]
// In an email about a possible snow day:
Mr. Smith: Just like you guys, us teachers like to sleep in when we get a snow day. Mr. Rose is probably just getting out of his coffin in the cellar, Mr. Hannum is probably trimming his beard to make it look as evil as possible, and Dr. Osborne is doing his morning vocal-cord workout. -
#4090 + ()/169 - [ Report ]
// Doctor's office, day before physics final, three days before the end of junior year.
Doctor: You look tired. Why?
Father: She hasn't been getting very much sleep at all since Spring Break, in March.
Doctor: (angry) Why not?!
Student: I'm a junior at Thomas Jefferson.
Doctor: Oh, okay. -
#3840 + ()/169 - [ Report ]
// Talking about electronics class
Craig: So on the first day of class, I thought I put a 1k ohm resistor in my circuit. The thing was, it was only a 1 ohm resistor. It exploded and there was an inch long jet of flame coming out of the side directed at my finger...
Harry: OHMed!!!!! -
#1671 + ()/197 - [ Report ]
// Phil has been kept awake at night for weeks because of this question...
Phil (suggestively): How did AIDS get transmitted from monkeys to humans?
Several people: Oh, gross.
Mr. Sacks: Phil, did you ever consider that maybe someone just got monkey blood on them while having an open wound?
Phil: Oh, come on, how often do you get /monkey blood/ all over you?
Mr. Sacks: Well, maybe the monkey got angry and threw his feces at the human with the open wound.
Phil: It's not transmitted through feces...
Mr. Sacks: Well, blood-covered feces, then.
Phil: ...
Mr. Sacks: Or maybe the monkeys dressed up in human clothes and tricked the young girls in the villages...
Phil: ...
Mr. Sacks: ...Come on, /anything/ but that.
Phil: I guess it just gets lonely down there in Africa... -
#2239 + ()/165 - [ Report ]
// Discussing an open-note test coming up in AP Biology with Dr. Uston
Student: Dr. Uston, are we allowed to print notes from the internet?
Dr. Uston: NO! And I'll know if you did or not.
Student: How?
Dr. Uston: I'll see the ASTERPOOT!
Students: ...?
Dr. Uston: You know when you print documents from the internet they have those lines at the bottom? The asterpoots? -
#1281 + ()/188 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Zack's AP Gov classes are participating in a model Congress. They have just passed a pro-choice (abortion) bill.
Matt: Mr. Speaker?
John: Yes, Mr. Christian.
Matt: Mr. Speaker, I move that we suspend the rules and move bill H. R. 17 up to the next order of business.
Mr. Zack: Matt, you need to say the bill number AND title.
Matt: Oh, H. R. 17 the... *looks at paper* Maidenhead Recovery Act.
*class bursts out laughing*
Matt: I mean, uh... *looks at paper again* Menhaden! Menhaden Recovery Act! -
#493 + ()/166 - [ Report ]
// Francisco hands in chem test long before anyone else is done
Mrs. Chhabra: Fransisco, you didn't do the back page.
Francisco: Yeah, I know.
Mrs. Chhabra: Well, why not?
Francisco: Because I wasn't paying attention when you showed us how to do it.
Mrs. Chhabra: Oh, well that's good.
