TJbash.org

Top Quotes

• #4357 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // At lunch in the halls, AKim is showing off his new game cube controller that is black and white
  Andrew Kim: I just got a custom game cube controller! Look at the cord, it's white!
  // Mr. Majeske walks by
  Majeske: And do you have a problem with it being white? You should join us for our civil rights unit next month.

  Tags: majeske

• #4101 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // Summer CS
  Latimer: I've got good news and bad news.  The bad news is that we're going to lunch now, so everyone has to leave the lab and get something to eat.  The good news is that when we come back, there's a quiz, and then we'll have more time to work on labs.

  Tags: compsci latimer

• #4027 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Kyle: If I give you some Pringles, will you be quiet for, like, two days?
  Shane: Okay.
  *Pringles are given*
  Shane: ... Time is relative.

• #3950 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // Health class, alcohol poisoning talks
  Mr. Potoker: So William, you're driving Ashley home from that 30-minute TJ party after drinking 17 kegs of beer. Ashley starts getting alcohol poisoning symptoms. What do you do?
  Ashley: Leave me in the bushes and go away!

  Tags: health potoker

• #3081 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing whether bacteria are "naughty" in history
  Kyle: *reading from dictionary* naughty...disobedient, improper, or obscene
  Mic: Oooh! Look up obscene! Look up obscene!
  Mr. Majeske: Mic, no cheap thrills for you.

  Tags: majeske

• #2929 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Green: The best part about writing about a sporting event is that it's exciting. But yours is extremely boring. It's like describing taking a bath or drinking warm milk.

  Tags: green

• #2867 + (+22)/36 - [ Report ]

  Mr. McFaden: Mechanical isolation is when parts just don't fit. Can you imagine that little macho chihuahua barking away at that female [some large canine species] as he's trying to mate with her? You see? It just won't work... (*he waits like 5 seconds as the students are picturing the dogs*) Don't even think about it the other way around!

  Tags: biology mcfaden

• #2719 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // Critiquing essays from 8th graders in English
  Ms. Stegall: Yeah, really, they're great kids, really nice, even if they can't write worth a damn.

  Tags: stegall

• #2677 + (+22)/30 - [ Report ]

  // Overheard conversation
  Student: No, I don't think a wristwatch has enough power to support a laser of that power for any length...

  Tags: tj

• #2589 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // In HUM1, from a video on the industrialization of China
  Interviewee: See, it used to be that there were 5 big things that everyone wanted to have. They'd want a radio, a sewing machine, and a bicycle. Those were the 5 big things that everyone wanted. But now...

  Tags: hum

• #2463 + (+22)/30 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing Latin America
  Mr. Kummer: And in Guatemala... there was a CIA coup! By the way, in the last period, I was walking around, and I saw someone had written "CIA coo" and all I could think about were cute little spies running around wreaking havoc.

  Tags: kummer

• #2411 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Under a drawing of a ribbon on Mr. Maney's whiteboard:
  "Maneyitis: We'd fight for a cure but we're retiring"

  Tags: maney

• #2393 + (+22)/44 - [ Report ]

  // In Bio, during a lecture about the Digestive system
  Dr. Wood: Does anyone know what bile salts do?
  Lauren (who doesn't remember): Oh crap!
  Dr. Wood: No, but we'll be getting to that in a second!

  Tags: biology wood

• #2342 + (+22)/34 - [ Report ]

  // Danny needs 50 cents more to buy a drink. He has asked 10 random people so far.
  Danny: Do you have 50 cents I can borrow?
  Ms. Bailey: Do I know you?

  Tags: bailey

• #1942 + (+22)/28 - [ Report ]

  // Bryan Lee and Greg Dutcher are entering Bryan's house when Bryan sees one of his neighbors walk by
  Bryan: Must avoid contact with neighbors...
  Greg: It's the American way.

  Tags: bryan_lee

• #1891 + (+22)/34 - [ Report ]

  Brian (to himself): Damnit, stop talking to yourself!

• #1744 + (+22)/34 - [ Report ]

  // During HUM Ethan puts apple sticker in Sean's hair
  // Sean attempts to get apple sticker out of hair by shaking head violently
  Mr. McCarthy: *remove sticker from hair* Wow, this looks like a fruit label. How did this get in your hair?
  Sean: Divine intervention.
  Ethan: Sweet! He just called me God!

  Tags: ethan_stone mccarthy sean_cruz

• #1374 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Geoff and David are looking at the couples feature in the most recent TJ Today.
  Geoff: It would be really sweet if someone answered the question of "What brings you together?" with "Gravity!"
  David: Electrostatic attraction! Weak nuclear force!

• #1339 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Zack:  It's really hard to kill someone with a knife.  Try it some time.

  Tags: zack

• #1082 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  *Aman is sitting in class eating a pear, when the pear becomes the topic of conversation*
  Mr. Pollet: I told a girl she had a pear once.
  *pause*
  Mr. Pollet: She smacked me.

  Tags: pollet

• #1073 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // During drumline practice
  Brett: I don't want you to play this swing style, I want you to play it straight.
  *Brett demonstates*
  Brett: Ok, tenors, you first. Let's see how straight you guys are.   

• #1063 + (+22)/32 - [ Report ]

  // As submitted to TJbash in its entirety:
  
  Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

• #1039 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Watching a movie in history. Scene cuts to guy with long hair and beard.
  Mr. Maney: So that's King Charles I.
  Guy: Oh, I thought it was Jesus...

  Tags: history

• #1022 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Schwartz: Saran Wrap and/or Latex gloves are not reliable methods of birth control.

  Tags: schwartz

• #959 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  // Playing chess with one white cork for a missing black pawn
  Peter: Use the white slave, he's the key to victory

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