TJbash.org

Top Quotes

• #878 + (+22)/30 - [ Report ]

  // On the bus
  Eli (with Laptop): OH MY GOD! HEAT DUMP ON MY HAND!
  :flips laptop over:
  Uh... Jack, is it a problem when my heatsink is glowing red?
  Jack: Yeah.  Hey, why don't you use that to forge the One Heatsink to COOL THEM ALL!
  Eli: I'm going to fucking stab you in the face.

• #865 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Student: Mrs. S, have you HAHed today yet?
  Mrs. S: What??
  Student: HAHed. Have you Helped A Hobo?
  Mrs. S: What?!
  Student: Helped. A. Hobo.
  Mrs. S: Ohhh! I thought you said humped a hobo. In any case, no, I've done neither today.

• #815 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Looking for a wife for Ethan the merchant
  Mr. McCarthy: Is there any female in this class who says, 'Yes! Yes! Abuse me!'?  ...I guess not. We'll work on getting you a wife later, Ethan.

  Tags: mccarthy

• #814 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // On morning announcments, a special "talk" from Ms. Lodal about "inappropriate dancing" during soc hops
  Ms. Lodal: Some people call it the grind, some people call it freaking, and some actually say it's like you're having sex standing up with your clothes on...
  // At the end of the announcement
  Ms. Lodal: Now I want you to be safe and healthy...

  Tags: lodal

• #711 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Maeda: Mrs. Vallone skipped school to see that play because it had naked people in it.
  Winn: That's nothing, one time on the Internet I saw this--
  Mike: Winn, don't finish that sentence!

  Tags: vallone

• #691 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Colglazier: Let's have a three way!
  Class: ...
  Mrs. Colglazier: Ok, we won't go there.

  Tags: colglazier topics

• #524 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Adele's been staying after school a lot...
  Adele: I don't remember the last time I went home on time.
  Deborah: What have you been staying after for? Softball? Physics?
  Anna: Aahh! Don't say the F-word!   

• #497 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. S. Rose is bringing pizzas in the hallway
  Someone: Pizzas...
  Dan Bastian: I don't know, we could trip him.
  Mr. S. Rose: Yes you could, but your life would be in your hands, and you would lose!

  Tags: s_rose

• #350 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  TheDanTran: how was your Latin AP?
  empakt137: rape. wait I'd say agressive consensual sex
  TheDanTran: ...   

• #283 + (+22)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. Bagden cracks a bad joke, class doesn't laugh much
  Mr. Bagden: That wasn't much of a reaction. I'm disappointed.
  Michael Murphy: So are we, Mr. Bagden.

  Tags: bagden michael_murphy

• #217 + (+22)/26 - [ Report ]

  Drew: Hey, let's make a Beowulf cluster to be our web server.
  Jack: You're not supposed to run PHP on multiple processors.
  Dan: Distributed PHP? That's awesome!
  BRJ: That's the greatest idea since, like, putting your foot in a blender.

  Tags: bryan_rau-jacobs

• #181 + (+22)/22 - [ Report ]

  // In the middle of a health class lecture:
  Dr. Deivert: Two-thirds of STDs are in people under 25.
  Drew: Why don't I have one?
  // In reference to the packet that was handed out      

• #5628 + (+21)/35 - [ Report ]

  // During Bio the day after Halloween
  Dr. Del Cerro: Jenny, oh, nice glasses! Did you get it for your Halloween present?
  Jenny: Halloween present? No...I just have bad eyesight.

  Tags: del_cerro halloween

• #5318 + (+21)/31 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. Sacks discussing Robespierre in AP Euro
  
  Mr. Sacks: He had a very strict moral code. He didn't drink, he didn't smoke, he didn't... whore. He wasn't even married. I don't think he ever had sex.
  Mr. Sacks: I also never trust anyone who doesn't drink.

  Tags: sacks

• #4851 + (+21)/33 - [ Report ]

  // Before passing out a test
  Mr. Kelly: Three important things before you start the test. One, don't cheat. Two, do not cheat. Three, cheat notly.

  Tags: hum kelly

• #4452 + (+21)/25 - [ Report ]

  // Talking about local graveyards in APUSH
  Helm: You guys should ask Ms. Iorga about them. She's into necrophilia.

  Tags: helm iorga

• #4198 + (+21)/33 - [ Report ]

  // In TA, filling out the summer survey
  Steven: What happens if we say we worked for Al Qaeda?
  Robby: ...Can I have another form?

  Tags: robert_carlson steven_godofsky

• #3977 + (+21)/23 - [ Report ]

  // While beginning Great Gatsby unit
  Iorga: So open your book to the very last page...
  Student: What? The back? That'll ruin it!
  Iorga: Trust me, it won't ruin anything
  Class: *grumbles and complains*
  Iorga: Just open the damn book!

• #3477 + (+21)/29 - [ Report ]

  <Fungahhh> oh my god
  <Fungahhh> do you remember my capp project
  <Fungahhh> guess what i got on it
  <spekk> what did you get fung?
  <Fungahhh> 100%
  <Fungahhh> you should've seen how much fucking bullshit i put in there
  <Fungahhh> one of the questions it asked what you want to be when you grow up
  <Fungahhh> i put down ASTRONOT
  <Fungahhh> and like the one part where you're supposed to "brainstorm goals" and there's a blank page you have to write down ideas on
  <Fungahhh> i drew a picture of godzilla attacking a city
  <Fungahhh> and i was wearing this cape
  <Fungahhh> with this arrow that pointed at me and said ME

• #3238 + (+21)/27 - [ Report ]

  // At a sleepover
  A: I get hilarious when I'm tired.
  B: Don't you mean delirious?
  A: That, too.

• #3190 + (+21)/25 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Torbert: Lisp programmers are very...philosophical. But very hard-line philosophical. If you ever get into an existential debate with a lisp devotee, make sure they're not armed.

  Tags: torbert

• #2990 + (+21)/29 - [ Report ]

  // Said in Geosystems to two mac users
  Aras Jizan: You mac users make it sound like every time you log onto the internet you go on a magical journey!  It's not a "safari!"

  Tags: aras_jizan

• #2987 + (+21)/39 - [ Report ]

  Dr. Dell: Warm up your right hands because you will really need them for this.

  Tags: dell physics

• #2957 + (+21)/49 - [ Report ]

  Mr. McFaden: Oxidation is the loss of electrons, and reduction is the gain of electrons. (hands the "electron" to Alla) So what am I doing?
  Class: Oxidizing
  Mr. McFaden: And what is Alla doing?
  Class: Reducizing? Reducitizing?
  Mr. McFaden: Say reducing...

  Tags: mcfaden

• #2681 + (+21)/35 - [ Report ]

  // This one time, at band camp . . .
  Ms. Ulrey: Hey TJNerd!
  Sean: What?

  Tags: band sean_cruz ulrey

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