TJbash.org

Top Quotes

• #2164 + (+19)/23 - [ Report ]

  Ivan: *trying to say something by leaning on the podium, which shrinks*
  Ian: No, Ivan, just leave it alone; you'll make it worse.
  Stephen: It's fine. Mr. Zack is short anyway.
  Mr. Zack: This is why I drink.

  Tags: zack

• #1720 + (+19)/25 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing the Tennis Court Oath in English
  Mr. Richardson: You know, the French invented tennis.
  Cayla: They also invented mayonnaise!
  Mr. Richardson: The French aren't all bad, that's two contributions to modern society.

  Tags: richardson

• #1714 + (+19)/23 - [ Report ]

  // Deason is exasperated that Sam is using a mouse in vim (A Linux text-based editor)
  Deason: Sam, you're using a _mouse_ with _vim_??? That's like....
  Eric: That's like, using a pair of pants... to wash the dishes! It just doesn't work!

  Tags: andrew_deason syslab

• #1673 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  // Deborah asking Myles to go with her prom group
  Myles: Yeah, I'd love to go to prom with you but I'm gonna go kill terrorists // Counter-Strike
  Deborah: Worst rejection ever.      

• #1515 + (+19)/27 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing the irregular flight path of a shuttlecock in badminton
  Coach James: So most people are used to the regular parabolic path of a ball...
  Class: *groans*
  James: See? Science can be applied in PE!

  Tags: james

• #1507 + (+19)/27 - [ Report ]

  // History, Mr. Struck is lecturing.
  Mr. Struck: And then... wait, my train of thought derailed.
  Jaskot: Or is it still boarding at the station?

  Tags: john_jaskot struck

• #1392 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing a HUM assignment to decide which scientist should be added to the Science Hall of Fame
  McCarthy: Just write down the positive arguments. You can't say, 'Vesalius belongs in the Hall of Fame because Newton was a child molester.'

  Tags: mccarthy

• #1264 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  // Talking about condoms on bus...don't ask
  Person 1: Condoms protect against STDs 99.9% of the time!
  Person 2: No they don't! I'll show you!
  *everybody else bursts out laughing*   

• #1244 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  Spencer: So...I guess it wasn't a good idea to come to Geosystems drunk.

  Tags: geosystems

• #1198 + (+19)/23 - [ Report ]

  Matt Boehm <AUTO-REPLY> :  z.z - sleepy
  Arucard: NOOO!
  Arucard: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
  Arucard: *shakes*
  Arucard: *shakes***!!!!!!!!!!
  Arucard: NOOOO!!!!!1
  Arucard: >:O
  Matt Boehm: stop yelling
  Matt Boehm: i cant sleep

  Tags: matt_boehm

• #1163 + (+19)/25 - [ Report ]

  // Talking about evolution
  Dr. Cammer: And plants are notorious polygamists!

  Tags: biology cammer

• #1144 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  Student: Hey, Dr. Walker, is it true that you're a robot?
  Dr. Walker: No.
  Dr. Walker: I'm a *clone*.

  Tags: walker

• #1018 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Kummer: Bring me a frog and a machete and I'll bisect it for you.

  Tags: kummer

• #1014 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Stetson: When driving, watch for pedestrians. Especially toddlers, old people, and intoxicated people. They all act alike.

  Tags: stetson

• #990 + (+19)/27 - [ Report ]

  // Hunter is looking at a perfectly normal BLT sandwich roll
  Hunter: I can find the bacon and tomato, but where's the lettuce?
  Eric: It's the green stuff!
  Hunter: I can't seem to find it...
  // Long pause
  Hunter: Oh wait. I got lettuce and turkey mixed up.

  Tags: eric_harmon hunter_tammaro

• #953 + (+19)/29 - [ Report ]

  // Student trying to submit a late chemistry assignment
  Student: Dr. Acio, I completely forgot to turn in this homework.
  Dr. Acio: Well, the work "forgot" begins with a letter "F"; so, I guess you completely got an F.

  Tags: acio

• #847 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing Renaissance sculptors' tendency to depict naked figures
  Mr. Maney: Man, is that naked.

  Tags: maney

• #762 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  Teddy: It's the new "learn about puberty" Chia-pet!

• #756 + (+19)/23 - [ Report ]

  // During one of Mr. Kummer's stories
  
  Mr. Kummer: Well, it was in the afternoon, and I walked into one of my 'watering holes,' and...
  Student: Watering holes? You mean like starbucks?
  Mr. Kummer: Um...no.
  Someone else: Wait...in the afternoon, like during school?
  
  // Later that class...
  
  Mr. Kummer: Children, it's perfectly possible to sit in your favorite tavern, drink a beer, and not get drunk.
  Someone: Any time?
  Mr. Kummer: Yes, any time, even in the afternoon.

  Tags: kummer

• #739 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  Teddy: Yeah, I tried to set up a water-cooled system the other day, but it turns out that you need to have the water go through tubes...

• #399 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  // Referring to a particular tennis outfit
  Lisa Marrone: Yea, I have to stick balls up my skirt every day.

  Tags: lisa_marrone

• #297 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  From an LJ of someone I met at Swarthmore:
  
  [Lauren walks into room]
  Woman: [reading e-mail] ...so she wants to know if she can have an extension on her paper.
  Cothren: GOD! If she walked in here right now, that would be legitimate grounds for MURDER!
  Woman: You think?
  Cothren: I would do it with my own hands. If you promised not to tell the authorities. [Lauren titters nervously] I'm so sorry, why are you here?
  Lauren: I'm a prospective Art History major?
  Cothren: WONDERFUL! I didn't think we were going to have any. Please... er, could you please not tell anybody about the exchange you just overheard? I would, you know, appreciate... [Lauren shakes head] We'll be great friends, then! Into my office across the way?
  Woman: If he tries anything funny, just scream and I'll hear you.
  Cothren: [looking back, cackling] I know enough to gag the poor girl first. Really now.

• #252 + (+19)/19 - [ Report ]

  // Lee tends to the weather database
  Lee: Crap. Did I just overwrite the wind? I overwrote the wind. Fuck.

• #205 + (+19)/33 - [ Report ]

  Jack Breese: I was just cleaning my room, and I found a pair of pants I'd never seen before.  And my mom was all "WTF!  I'v never seen those either."  I think I'll put them on ebay as haunted or something.
  AntarcticPhoenix: o_O
  Jack Breese: They were like, fat dude pants.
  AntarcticPhoenix: they probably grew there
  Jack Breese: wouldn't doubt it
  AntarcticPhoenix: some of your other pants
  AntarcticPhoenix: reproduced
  AntarcticPhoenix: do pants spore?
  Jack Breese: I'd bet they do.  Asexual pants reproduction.
  Jack Breese: Unless pants have penises.
  Jack Breese: Do skirts have vaginas?
  AntarcticPhoenix: .....
  AntarcticPhoenix: o_O

  Tags: jack_breese nathan_watson

• #190 + (+19)/21 - [ Report ]

  // In an angry voice
  Graham: "God...When will the world learn that patience is a virtue!"   

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