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Top Quotes

• #1606 + (+14)/48 - [ Report ]

  // Vote for your favorite calculus pickup line! This one, or #1607
  
  Let me be your integral... I want to be under all your curves.

  Tags: math

• #1603 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  // Referring to HUM1 class
  Mrs. Waterfall: See, they are the reason I drink.

  Tags: waterfall

• #1465 + (+14)/20 - [ Report ]

  // For the physical fitness exam, Mr. Potoker is telling his freshman class how to do a sit-up. He is describing how to lie down.
  
  Mr. Potoker: And then you put your buttocks, your butt, your a--
  Mr. Potoker: ...

  Tags: potoker

• #1444 + (+14)/18 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing Michaelangelo in HUM
  Mr. Richardson: Michaelangelo was a mast of the human form. Look at the biceps on Mary. They're huge! And look at baby Jesus! He's ripped up!

  Tags: richardson

• #1402 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Pollet: Are you going to get out your stuffed animals and hold another meeting of the Pollet cult?

  Tags: pollet

• #1389 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  // At Band Boosters meeting, discussing bedcheck arrangements for overnight trip
  Mr. H: Look, we don't have to be so paranoid. We don't have to protect them from each other. What ARE we protecting them from?
  Mrs. F: PREGNANCY!

• #1386 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Helm: James Buchanan was our only bachelor president.
  Some kid: Well, no wonder he wasn't effective.

  Tags: helm history

• #1108 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  // S is disturbed by the alien floating in the jar in Mr Forbes room
  M: The alien is coming for your soul!
  S: I always thought aliens came to do colonoscopies.
  M: Well, how else are they supposed to get your soul out?   

• #1103 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  // Correcting current event quizzes in Gov
  Mr. T: The correct answer for #5 is Cunningham.
  Student: Umm... this paper has two "m's" instead of two "n"s.
  Mr. T: No, Cummingham is not the right answer.
  *snickers around classroom*
  Mr. T: What's so funny?
  Panayotis: Think about it Mr. T...
  Mr. T: You people have dirty minds.

  Tags: torrence

• #981 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  Ms Little: I don't know why my metaphors are all so violent; I'm really not a violent person!
  Student A: Except for the gun.
  Ms. Little: Well yeah, I do own a g-- actually, I have more than one.
  Student B: And the Halo.
  Ms. Little: Oooh, Halo... yeah, that's bad.

  Tags: little

• #973 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  // When trying to calculate something at lunch
  Jonathan: ...I can count! *starts counting on fingers* One, two, th-- nevermind, I need my calculator.

• #945 + (+14)/24 - [ Report ]

  // Physics, discussing forms of punishment
  J. Rose: How much would 30 lashes with a wet noodle hurt?
  Student: Well, it would hurt if it was a dog...
  J. Rose: I said wet noodle, not wet poodle!

  Tags: j_rose physics

• #934 + (+14)/28 - [ Report ]

  // Vivek is '05 and the chillest kid you'll ever meet. Conklin is a whacknut... all discussing the AP
  Sarah: Yeah that's pretty tricky of them...
  Ms. Conklin: Whenever I hear the word "tricky," I am reminded of a stripper. ::looks to Vivek:: Is there a stripper song with the word "tricky" in it?
  Vivek: Because of course I am the authority on stripper songs...

  Tags: conklin

• #881 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  // In Amateur Radio Club, after Will is using a radio and the backlight cuts out and the display shows random LCD segments
  
  Mr. Bosch: The gremlins are back...
  Will: ...?
  Mr. Bosch: The gremlins, the creatures that get inside things and mess them up.
  Nathan: We need more fairies in here this year to fix that.
  Mary: ...?
  Nathan: Fairies do useful things, like labeling these: *picks up cable marked "USELESS"*

  Tags: ham_radio mary_linnel nathan_watson will_mcgrath

• #738 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  Sarah: One of my noses is clogged! I can't breathe!    

• #499 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  Brian Wu: I don't feel like getting up, it takes too much energy.
  Brian Stoepker: I like your idea, Brian.
  // Brian W gets up and walks over to Brian S
  Brian W: What idea?
  Brian S: ...The idea about not getting up  

• #491 + (+14)/16 - [ Report ]

  // A retort overheard at a forensics tournament after someone misspoke:
  "Wow, that made no sense. For being able to communicate good, you're really lacking... uh..."
  // Trails off, looks confused

• #431 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Pearce: The other day I was pulled over by a cop and ticketed for going 15 miles over the limit. Back in England I can go 150 without trouble.

  Tags: pearce

• #412 + (+14)/14 - [ Report ]

  // Differential Equations class.
  Peter: Can you tell us a story ... of repeated eigenvalues?
  Dr. Sachs: ...for some of you, it will be a bedtime story.

  Tags: math sachs

• #301 + (+14)/18 - [ Report ]

  Mrs. Waterfall: Today, we are in Hell!
  Various members of the class: No kidding...

  Tags: waterfall

• #152 + (+14)/22 - [ Report ]

  Snowcap301: When I am kiiiing...
  Y2Katie0325: you can be king of your island
  Y2Katie0325: but i'll be queen of the world
  Snowcap301: Yes, but my island will be a floating nuclear battle fortress guarded by Amazon warriors with magical powers.
  Snowcap301: So there.
  Snowcap301: ...Bitch. XP
  Y2Katie0325: Well... my hotsexy second-in-command pimp (to be named) will organize his hotsexy hoes to surround your island, seduce your warriors, and leave you unprotected!
  Y2Katie0325: Then, your warriors will have AIDS, and your island will be under my command!
  Snowcap301: ...My Amazons aren't lesbians!
  Y2Katie0325: But my hoes are just that hot.
  Y2Katie0325: Take that. Bitch.
  Snowcap301: Damnation.

• #78 + (+14)/22 - [ Report ]

  Best pickup line ever:
  "Excuse me, I need a tutor for calculus. Could you integrate my natural log?" -Brett Smith

  Tags: brett_smith math

• #5929 + (+13)/13 - [ Report ]

  // In French
  Student: Madame Delfosse? What does minable mean?
  Mme Delfosse: Minable? If somebody calls you that, you punch them.

  Tags: delfosse french

• #5565 + (+13)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing why speeches, specifically Pericles',  involve our past ancestors
  A: To get our attention?
  Sacks: Well, sex and the latest Nats game is probably going to get my attention more than dead ancestors...

  Tags: sacks

• #5563 + (+13)/19 - [ Report ]

  // Free hot dogs are being handed out before Homecoming game
  Sra. Pou: You're only supposed to have one, but the Latin American in me wants mine and someone else's.

  Tags: pou

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