Top Quotes
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#4595 + ()/143 - [ Report ]
// The PA system has been making loud noises during a repair procedure. When Dr. Dell leaves the room to complain to someone, some juniors get up on a chair and attempt to disassemble the speaker in the ceiling. Dr. Dell reenters the room.
Dr. Dell: What are you doing?
Juniors: Trying to disassemble the speaker.
Dr. Dell: Go ahead and unplug it.
Juniors: The cord doesn't have a plug, it just runs straight into the speaker.
Dr. Dell: Get out of the way. *Gets on chair and rips cords out of speaker*
Class: *cheer* -
#3761 + ()/141 - [ Report ]
// Junior Sexual Harassment Seminar Day
Ms. Greenblatt: Okay, I need a good example of a verbal harassment.
// Kennan raises his hand
G: Okay Kennan, go ahead.
K: Hey Ms. Greenblatt, do you enjoy chili?
G: Why yes I do, Kennan. Why do you ask?
K: Because I've got a red-hot surprise in my pants! -
#3128 + ()/136 - [ Report ]
A: So, marine biology went on this field trip to the Smithsonian research labs.
A: And I walked in there, and I felt right at home.
A: The corridors were narrow, poorly lit by fluorescent lights, and there were lots of research posters on the walls.
A: But there was one major difference.
A: I could understand all of the titles of their research projects. -
#3103 + ()/136 - [ Report ]
Blake: Mr. Majeske! You didn't get fired?!
Majeske: *headdesk*
Class: ...
Blake: Yeah, so yesterday I was just sitting in the hallway, minding my own business, and Mr. Majeske came over and kind of just loomed over me. So I said "Please don't kick me!" and he said "Okay, I'll just kick your bag instead," and he kicked my bag.
Majeske: And who should be behind me but Dr. Glazer... *sigh*
// Enter Mr. Hardison
Majeske: Can I help you?
Hardison: Just wanted to make sure you were still teaching! *smiles* -
#1633 + ()/136 - [ Report ]
Mr. Kummer: We could probably get a Satan Worshippers club... but see the school is clever about it. You have to have a sponsor! Who would sponsor that?!
*Class laughs*
Mr. Kummer: Well... there's always Dr. Dell...
*Class laughs*
Mr. Kummer: Don't quote me on that. If anyone asks, Mr. Torrence said it. -
#5303 + ()/135 - [ Report ]
// Mr. Forbes takes out a Newton's Cradle from Spencer's
Mr. Forbes: I've noticed that Spencer's sells three kinds of products: lava lamps, sex jokes, and science toys. So that means their target demographic is perverted, ex-hippie physics teachers.
Mr. Forbes: I don't know where they'll find any of those. -
#4263 + ()/139 - [ Report ]
// Dr. Osborne's Precalc class has just taken their first test of the year.
Dr. Osborne: There were many algebraic mistakes that people had made on this test. Such as...
*writes bunch of simple algebraic problems on the board and solves them in the wrong way*
Dr. Osborne: NOOOOO!!!
*furiously crosses them out*
Dr. Osborne: This kind of stuff is OFFENSIVE to me!
Dr. Osborne: I look at this and I go "OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!" -
#2693 + ()/144 - [ Report ]
// During Dr. Uston's AP Bio class learning about Absolute Zero-
Uston: Okay class, in absolute zero, the molecules do not move from place to place, they only vibrate.
Class: If the molecule vibrates, it will generate heat, therefore it cannot be absolute zero.
Uston: I taught physics... -
#4768 + ()/131 - [ Report ]
// In the syslab, at the end of lunch
// phone rings
Student: *picks up phone* Hello. You have reached the computer systems lab, room 115. To speak to a human, please press one. [in Spanish] For Spanish, press two. [in German] For German, press three. [in English again] To hear your options again press--Hello? Oh, he is not here right now. Can I take a message?
