TJbash.org

Top Quotes

• #2819 + (+11)/39 - [ Report ]

  // Story time in computer science
  Mr. Auerbach: The skittle matched the color of the rug! It was so amazing!
  Mr. Auerbach: Like when you look up at a potato chip and see Jesus in it... in Iowa.
  Class: ...

  Tags: auerbach

• #2310 + (+11)/29 - [ Report ]

  // On the bus, talking about "The V-Card", which actually stands for virginity.
  Andrea: What's a v-card?
  Rachel: Well, what sex related term starts with V?
  Andrea: VOLTAGE?!

• #2185 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // While watching Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet in Lit Class
  Mr. Zack: It looks like a boxing match...In the left corner wearing the red robe is the Dashing Dane of Destruction, Hamlet!!

  Tags: zack

• #2080 + (+11)/29 - [ Report ]

  // AP Gov class
  Schoeplein: What I heard from my Republican cousin was...well, nevermind, that doesn't really make sense.
  Student: What, what'd they say?
  Schoeplein: He said that the parts of Nevada where prostitution is legal are usually held by Republicans.  It doesn't really go along with the whole family values thing though.
  Student 2:  Well, Republicans are pro-business.

  Tags: schoeplein

• #2029 + (+11)/27 - [ Report ]

  // In a conversation about Fauquier County
  DM: ...You'll get run over by a combine.
  MR: What's a combine?
  DM: You know, one of those big harvesting machines.
  MR: I'm sorry, I don't speak "farm."

• #1735 + (+11)/15 - [ Report ]

  Nick: You do know that the sun will explode in 5 billion years.
  Justin: Does that mean we won't have winter any more?   

• #1664 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Regarding pronunciation in TJ's new alma mater
  Mr. Frels: Make sure you make it two syllables: Colon-ials.
  Alexa: It's like, Cologne, y'alls!
  Mr. Frels: That sounds like something you would do to your colon... Colonyalls.
  ...Maybe there are some thoughts that are better kept to yourself...

  Tags: frels

• #1637 + (+11)/33 - [ Report ]

  // Men Young is trying to shut down all the extra processes cluttering up the Cray, but makes an unfortunate error...
  [email protected]:/local/mlee1# killall
  Connection to cray closed by remote host.
  Connection to cray closed.
  [email protected]:~$ ssh cray
  ssh: connect to host cray port 22: Connection refused

  Tags: men_young syslab

• #1618 + (+11)/15 - [ Report ]

  // While watching a movie taking place in a newsroom; Woodward and Bernstein are reporters portrayed in the movie.
  Mr. Kummer: My journalism class once took a trip to that very newsroom. We came all the way up from Texas.
  Mr. Zack: Did you see Woodward and Bernstein?
  Mr. Kummer: Uh, no, the whole staff was on strike when we got there.

  Tags: kummer zack

• #1579 + (+11)/27 - [ Report ]

  Nkmunk714:  o wow, yay for the sys lab to die   
  Nkmunk714:  no intranet   
  Nkmunk714:  no files for hw   
  Nkmunk714:  no A for neel   
  halfelfsorcerer:  No A for Neel? Well, Neel already in college.
  Nkmunk714:  scholarship go bye-bye   
  Nkmunk714:  neel no go college   
  Nkmunk714:  neel cry   
  Nkmunk714:  neel get drafted
  Nkmunk714:  neel go iraq   
  Nkmunk714:  neel get peppered   
  Nkmunk714:  neel die   
  Nkmunk714:  world cry   
  halfelfsorcerer:  fantastic
  Nkmunk714:  evan say "wtf?"  
  halfelfsorcerer:  yes

  Tags: college syslab

• #1547 + (+11)/19 - [ Report ]

  // French project on global warming due the next day, exploring wikipedia
  
  iRoWtJcReW72890: o
  iRoWtJcReW72890: m
  iRoWtJcReW72890: g
  iRoWtJcReW72890: they have a consequences of global warming section in french
  iRoWtJcReW72890: sweet
  FrosnSun: *nod*
  FrosnSun: were set for life
  iRoWtJcReW72890: ...and by life
  iRoWtJcReW72890: you mean for one period tomorrow morning
  FrosnSun: ...
  FrosnSun: I LIVE FOR THE MOMENT   

• #1533 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // In bio, working on a poster w/ three kids that take Russian
  A: Do we need names?
  Ms. Stevens: Yes, I want names.
  B: In Russian!!
  Ms. Stevens: NOT IN RUSSIAN! I want clear ... names.
  B: Excuse me?
  Ms. Stevens: Don't argue with the woman who grades you!

  Tags: stevens

• #1365 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Concerning some weird growth chart in health
  Student: Hey, it's like a quadratic equation.
  Priem: Hmm... Huh? Yeah whatever. You TJ kids with your calculators.

  Tags: health priem

• #1323 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Playing Telephone
  Seamus O'Connor: No matter what you say, when it gets to me it's gonna be lesbian sex.

  Tags: seamus_o'conner

• #1304 + (+11)/15 - [ Report ]

  Ted Yokoyama: Hey hey hey, is this a tape recorder in my pocket or am I really excited to see you in a strangely rectangular sorta way?

  Tags: ted_yokoyama

• #1298 + (+11)/11 - [ Report ]

  Ted Yokoyama: Ok, so since Mrs. Vallone caught one of us allegedly skipping class, we're gonna redeem oursevles by stealing a civil war artifact from a National park? Am I the only one who sees some issues with the logic here?

• #1225 + (+11)/19 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Majeske: ... and our test on friday will be moved.
  Student: To TODAY!!!?!??!?
  Mr. Majeske: Yes.
  Class: NOoooo
  Mr. Majeske: Just kidding, it's going to be next week.
  Long: Oh my gosh! Mr. Majeske, when you said that I just got HOT all over! I'm serious!
  Mr. Majeske: ummmm... good job?

  Tags: majeske

• #1179 + (+11)/11 - [ Report ]

  // Student comes in late to class; there is a substitute teacher
  Student: Sorry I'm late... there was a ton of traffic.
  Sub: I don't believe you... (looks at late slip) Wait, this is YOUR handwriting!   

• #1036 + (+11)/15 - [ Report ]

  Thomas: It's a cutthroat world here at the puzzle table.
  
  // Moderator comment upon accepting quote: "He'll fit right in at the nursing home..."

• #1025 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Referring to an equation for Geosystems
  Alfie: I keep looking at that K-up K-down thing, and I just keep thinking, "fighting moves" in my head.
  Darren: WHY DID YOU MENTION THAT!  Now I'll do that, too!

• #962 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // Olex constructs a VERY painful weapon out of a few legos. (Mr. Anderson's robotics class)
  Olex:... wow this thing is pretty dangerous... Then again, there are a whole lot of things that can be used as weapons in school...
  Mr. A: Well, you could even use your finger as a weapon if you knew Tai Chi... kyahhh *fierce poke motion*

• #888 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  // In Hum I
  Mr. Kelly: I'm going to call on random people. What do I mean by random? I mean that I'm sitting at a teacher's desk, looking down at a pair of patent leather shoes and a sword made out of tape. That's what I mean by random.

  Tags: kelly

• #867 + (+11)/15 - [ Report ]

  // Person trying to impress English teacher with good grammar
  Student: "Mrs. Nelson, it's Bob's, Mary's, and... I's birthday today."

• #723 + (+11)/11 - [ Report ]

  // While talking about immigrant groups and services in the US
  Ms. Schoeplein: Does your church exhibit a sense of... Korean-ness?

  Tags: schoeplein

• #676 + (+11)/13 - [ Report ]

  xhuwin: The crystal is the heart of the blade.
  The heart is the crystal of the Jedi.
  The Jedi is the crystal of the Force.
  The Force is the blade of the heart.
  xhuwin: parody that.
  *a while later*
  Hellhawk123: the brain is the heart of man
  the heart is the phallus of the brain
  the phallus is the brain of the man
  man is the phallus of society

©2005-2015 Eric Harmon, Victor Mircea, Dan Tran, Nathan Watson.