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#1042 + (−15)/25 - [ Report ]

A:  Yeah, so this Thanksgiving I'm going to be flying out of town.
B:  Oooh, be careful when u check ur luggage.  A lot of times, bad things happen when u do that.  Like sometimes they even lose ur luggage, or it gets mixed up with someone else's.
A:  Since when are you the expert on all of that?
B:  HEY!  I am no fool!  I have seen Toy Story 2!
#968 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

futurefrstdm: [I swear to God, if I have nightmares about vibrating hot dogs, I'm going to fucking kill you]
#716 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

Christoph: Whoosh! I'm female! Now I'll go have twelve children!
#372 + (−15)/15 - [ Report ]

// twinofhugin is male.
twinofmunin: how many hysterectomies have YOU had?
twinofhugin: seven.
twinofhugin: it's a persistent uterus.
#321 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

twinofmunin: i like linux better than windows because the duck count is higher.
#5562 + (−16)/50 - [ Report ]

// S needs money for an HC ticket
S: Dr. Dell, do you have ten dollars?
*Dr. Dell gets out his wallet*
Dr. Dell: Umm... no.

Tags: dell
#3270 + (−16)/50 - [ Report ]

urmomsface7: you know what you need?
urmomsface7: a proshmandovka
OxyMoronic11: A what?
urmomsface7: it's russian for manwhore
OxyMoronic11: I don't want a manwhore...
urmomsface7: i meant it to mean like
urmomsface7: a boy who is awesome
urmomsface7: but b/c it's me
urmomsface7: it came out manwhore
urmomsface7: .....and in russian

Tags: bronwyn_koehl
#2813 + (−16)/56 - [ Report ]

Dr. Acio: There IS a Gatorade for babies. Anyone know what it's called?
Nora: Babe-orade.

Tags: acio
#2734 + (−16)/20 - [ Report ]

// Trying to catch sunrise; we got up too early
A: I know I got the date right - October 14.
R: Are you sure you got the right year, 2007? Wait, I mean 2008.
Others: ...
R: ...Crap.
#2059 + (−16)/32 - [ Report ]

// In lab, Matt needs help
Ms. Drobnis: You put that in the Turtle Panel? You're an idiot!

Tags: drobnis
#1526 + (−16)/20 - [ Report ]

B: Jama, why does your program load so slowly? Let me see the code.
B: No wonder it loads so slow, you import java.swing.* five times, and about every other package twice!
// After removing about twenty lines of importing
B: Now let's run it and see how much faster it loads
Jama: Still slow! Because all five other classes import all of those packages again!
#1139 + (−16)/30 - [ Report ]

Chhabra: Paul, I shall throw you out the window. Wait, you wouldn't fit.
Paul: Why?
Chhabra: You wanted to put aerosal cans in homeless peoples fires and blow them up.

Tags: chhabra
#890 + (−16)/22 - [ Report ]

// Discussing The Odyssey
Freshman in IBET: How do you pronounce "Orkho`menos"?
Another freshman (not looking at book): It's pronounced "Commander Cool."
1st freshman: Sure, because it looks like "ork-homies."
2nd freshman: Let me see that book.
2nd freshman: "Gone to Commander Cool's, or sandy Pylos, can he be? Or waiting with Menelaus in the plains of Sparta?"
1st freshman: "I'll ask Mrs. Curtis..."
#263 + (−16)/16 - [ Report ]

twinofmunin: schematics == sex
twinofmunin: if you disagree, you haven't been doing it right
#1207 + (−17)/23 - [ Report ]

sitaralightborn: ah, it's just too easy
thedantran: ...to break me? yes.
sitaralightborn: ^^ and so satisfying, though not as satisfying as breaking nwatson
thedantran: yeah, he does a full kernel dump.
sitaralightborn: XD
#325 + (−17)/37 - [ Report ]

Stebby's Dad: Fo shizzle, my nizzle!
Stebby: No. Just no.
#4248 + (−18)/110 - [ Report ]

Sam Sohn: HOLY SHIT THERE'S A MOUSE IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!
Zeming: nice
Sam Sohn: IT'S NOT NICE
Sam Sohn: AND I NEED TO GET A TRAP NOW
Sam Sohn: OR A CAT
Sam Sohn: BECAUSE IT'S GONNA CRAWL ON MY BED
Sam Sohn: AND I DON'T WANT TO WIN THE BIOLOGY GAME
Sam Sohn: WITH A FUCKING QUADRUPED
Sam Sohn: Holy shit did I just say that???

Tags: sam_sohn zeming_lin
#1539 + (−18)/46 - [ Report ]

Mr. Potoker: Are there any gangs at TJ?
Class: No, not that we're aware of...
Student: TI!

Tags: potoker tj
#323 + (−18)/28 - [ Report ]

Roddefig: assembly is useless, except in special circumstances
twinofmunin: ...
twinofmunin: you're a fat loser
#202 + (−18)/24 - [ Report ]

twinofmunin: c.c
dantran: I find your c.c's more gratifying than Deason's silence to anything I say
#1897 + (−19)/35 - [ Report ]

A: Can electric razors really pull your face off if they get stuck?
#933 + (−19)/25 - [ Report ]

// In CAD
Joey: I own you, and the rest of the school.
Joey: I do.
Joey: In the summer you will come work my fields.
Joey: And build me a railroad.
#660 + (−19)/23 - [ Report ]

263169258: my pants have their own daft punk porno groove.
#3109 + (−20)/32 - [ Report ]

// smalekgh: the lesser nerd; fsufitch: the greater nerd
fsufitch: oh my goodness
smalekgh: the super bowl
smalekgh: I know
fsufitch: today at the library i saw this huge tome of all of John Williams's composed songs
smalekgh: WTF
smalekgh: oh
fsufitch: ...
smalekgh: nevermind
smalekgh: ...
#596 + (−20)/34 - [ Report ]

car: twiz, keep your damn pants on
twiz: i'm sorry, i can't! they keep coming off by themselves, i can't help it!

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Top Quotes

#1042 + (−15)/25 - [ Report ]

#968 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

#716 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

#372 + (−15)/15 - [ Report ]

#321 + (−15)/21 - [ Report ]

#5562 + (−16)/50 - [ Report ]

#3270 + (−16)/50 - [ Report ]

#2813 + (−16)/56 - [ Report ]

#2734 + (−16)/20 - [ Report ]

#2059 + (−16)/32 - [ Report ]

#1526 + (−16)/20 - [ Report ]

#1139 + (−16)/30 - [ Report ]

#890 + (−16)/22 - [ Report ]

#263 + (−16)/16 - [ Report ]

#1207 + (−17)/23 - [ Report ]

#325 + (−17)/37 - [ Report ]

#4248 + (−18)/110 - [ Report ]

#1539 + (−18)/46 - [ Report ]

#323 + (−18)/28 - [ Report ]

#202 + (−18)/24 - [ Report ]

#1897 + (−19)/35 - [ Report ]

#933 + (−19)/25 - [ Report ]

#660 + (−19)/23 - [ Report ]

#3109 + (−20)/32 - [ Report ]

#596 + (−20)/34 - [ Report ]