Top Quotes
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#5238 + ()/89 - [ Report ]
// The class is studying an essay which they were supposed to read the night before. Nathan has not read it.
Ms. Colglazier: So Nathan, what's one thing that you found interesting in this essay?
**pause**
Nathan: **sheepishly** Ms. Colglazier...
Ms. Colglazier: Oh, go on, admit it.
Nathan: ...I did not have sexual relations with that woman. -
#1043 + ()/93 - [ Report ]
// Discussing the procedure for an experiment.
Mrs. Chhabra: Now folks, you only put the acid in bit by bit, see I'm not using a lot of acid!! this is not a lot of acid!! You know you're done when you put in more acid and it just sits there and looks at you. When the acid starts looking at you, you know you're done. -
#974 + ()/97 - [ Report ]
// In Dr. Dell's physics class, Junior year 2004. Dr. Dell has stepped out because he forgot the tests in another room. While gone, the class has conspired to pull a trick on he who they have affectionately dubbed "Captain Dell." We enter the quote as Dr. Dell returns to class.
Dr. Dell: Alright. Here we go.
Entire Class: *waves right hand in front of face, left to right, slowly* There IS no test.
*pause*
Dr. Dell: I hate you all. *begins to pass out test* -
#3764 + ()/92 - [ Report ]
// Watching "Def Poetry" in English
Teacher: Alright, only some of these parts might be school appropriate.
// She fast forwards through the host's monologue, then stops as the host leaves to let on the first person to read some poetry.
Teacher: Alright, we'll start right here.
Host: ARE YOU READY FO' SOME MUTHAFUCKIN' POETRY?
Teacher: Noooo, you weren't supposed to hear that. -
#3170 + ()/94 - [ Report ]
// On senior switch day; Ed has combed his hair like Mr. Frels and they are sitting next to each other
Amanda: Hmm, your parts go in different directions.
Mr. Frels: Gross! Inappropriate comment! And how do you know that anyway?
Amanda: I'm sitting here looking at them..
Mr. Frels: What? No, gross!
Ed: ...she's talking about our hair... -
#1780 + ()/96 - [ Report ]
Raamin: So, Mr Torrence, out of the three of us, which one is Jessica Alba, which is Angelina Jolie, and which is Keira Knightley?
Mr. T: Well Raamin, you're definitely Angelina Jolie.
R: Wow, I'm suprised you found the woman in me.
Mr. T: Oh I've always been in touch with your feminine side
*class laughs*
Mr. T: *as laughter dies down* Okay, okay, before we go on, I just want everyone to know that I have never touched Raamin, on his feminine side or his masculine side. -
#1752 + ()/98 - [ Report ]
// Students' guess at what the English literature part of the SOLs is going to be like (Frederick Douglass's autobiography was required reading)
Question 1: How black was Frederick Douglass?
A) Kinda black
B) Very black
C) Pretty damn black yo
D) White (like Michael Jackson) -
#1028 + ()/116 - [ Report ]
Teddy: So I was on the late bus, waiting to leave.
Teddy: The driver starts the bus and it starts making this beeping sound every second or so. It sounds like a bomb.
Teddy: Then she does something and it starts beeping twice as fast.
Teddy: Then it suddenly cuts out.
Teddy: And the first thing that popped into my head was "Counter-Terrorists Win" -
#4196 + ()/91 - [ Report ]
// In Mrs. Waterfall's class, telling each other our new interests over the summer
// Mrs. Waterfall calls a student's name.
Student: ...Uh. I don't know.
Mrs. Waterfall: No new interest? Come on, you need to think of something.
Student: ...
// A long silence later
Mrs. Waterfall: The only conclusion I can come up with is that you're addicted to porn sites. Why else wouldn't you tell me?
