Top Quotes
-
#4757 + ()/82 - [ Report ]
// Talking about fingernails
Uston: Now, does anyone know the evolutionary purpose of fingernails?
Class:...
Uston: Well, if you were in a fight, what is the first thing you would do to the other guy?
Student: ...kick him between the legs?
Uston: No! You would poke the other guy in the eyes! The fingernails do a really great job at penetrating the eyeballs!
Class: *dumbfounded expression*
// Several minutes later
Uston: Now, does anyone know why we have evolved elbows?
Uston: Because if someone grabs you from behind, you can ELBOW them in the stomach!
Class: ................ -
#4375 + ()/76 - [ Report ]
// Talking about Riemann Sums in Multivariable Calculus
Dr. Osborne: *very animatedly* So once you divide up the curve into these areas, you make a bunch of long, skinny French fries!! And what do you get when you add up all the French fries?
Nader: A potato!
Dr. Osborne: A VOLUME! -
#4295 + ()/76 - [ Report ]
// A SysLab kid is visiting the robotics lab and gesturing with his calculator
// Goes to put calculator away
Student A: Wait, is that a calculator holster!?
Student B: Yeah, he actually has two. One's a backup. And he has a melee weapon.
Student B: Which is a sliderule.
// All laughing except Student A, who facepalms.
Student A: ...I don't go to this school. -
#3219 + ()/88 - [ Report ]
// In response to Facebook Group--You Know You Go to TJ When...
J: I read on this Facebook Group that: You know you go to TJ when at wrestling practice, they count pushups in hex.
Other J: So, I wonder if people would be like "what comes after 3af"
Js simultaneously: 3b0. duh
J: You know, I hope they wouldn't have to do pushups to ff...then they'd be blue in the face
*slaps self*
// #0000ff is blue in hex -
#484 + ()/80 - [ Report ]
// Boy talking about HUM reading assignment of Horatio Alger stories. Background info: Horatio Alger wrote short stories about poor young boys who strike it rich through hard work and a bit of luck.
boy: So the main character in these Horatio Alger stories is named "Ragged Dick."
girl: Haha, that's funny.
boy: No, you don't understand. The specific book we're reading is named, "Ragged Dick and the Struggle Upwards."
girl: O_O -
#5775 + ()/75 - [ Report ]
// On first day of school, going over syllabus
Williams: When I first started teaching, I applied for a job at Lake Braddock, and at the interview one of the first questions they asked was “What kind of syllabus do you use?”, so I said “Oh, just the regular one.” But in my head I was thinking, 'Oh dear god, what’s a syllabus?' -
#1358 + ()/81 - [ Report ]
// Talking to a non-TJ student
Freshman girl: The great thing about TJ is you can wrap a wire around a bunch of other wires, say 'Hey, it's a histone!' and nobody will beat you up. Although your lab partner will remind you that the DNA molecule is wrapped twice around the histone, so it's not really right. -
#860 + ()/77 - [ Report ]
// In English class after somebody insulted somebody
Mr. Williams: That reminds me of this time at Lake Braddock. This freshman boy said to a girl, "If you didn't have any legs, would you wear shoes?" The girl said, "No." The boy said, "Then why are you wearing a bra?!" And I thought 'Oh my God! That is terrible!' -
#4 + ()/85 - [ Report ]
StealerOfPie v2: man
StealerOfPie v2: this guy is my hero
StealerOfPie v2: after seventeen years
StealerOfPie v2: in a six-hour showdown
StealerOfPie v2: he beat all 256 levels of pac-man on a single life and obtained the highest possible score
StealerOfPie v2: Imagine a world in which Billy Mitchell never encountered Pac-Man. Put to good use his sharp mind, excellent hand-eye coordination, incredibly long attention span and his prodigious talent for problem-solving probably would have led the world into a utopian technological society by now. The human genome would have been mapped by the mid eighties. World poverty would have been eliminated entirely. The air and the earth would be clean. We'd be living in an age of unprecedented peace. Serbs and Kosovars would be frolicking hand in hand cracking jokes about their ethnic differences. Billy Mitchell would have a girlfriend. Instead, Billy Mitchell played Pac-Man and grew a moustache.
