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Top Quotes

• #1452 + (+56)/58 - [ Report ]

  // In Hum, looking at a painting with a glinting golden ball above the Virgin Mary's head
  Ms. Gecan: *points to the ball* What is that?
  Brian: THE GOLDEN SNITCH!

• #1420 + (+56)/58 - [ Report ]

  // Film study talking about when he went to see Saving Private Ryan in theaters
  Mr. Pollet: So this guy down the row from us passes out from all the violence, and the girl I'm with tells me to go get help for him and I'm like "HELLO!?! *points to screen* MOVIE!?! Do it yourself..."

  Tags: pollet

• #1122 + (+56)/60 - [ Report ]

  Person: Camarda, you're a dumbass.
  Camarda: No there are only three dumbasses in the trumpet section.  Alex Simon, Matt Hoel, and... oh shit, I am a dumbass.

• #1102 + (+56)/68 - [ Report ]

  // In Physics
  Forbes [pointing index finger at face while blinking]: Just do this to visualize it. I also like watching girls do it.

  Tags: forbes

• #1095 + (+56)/58 - [ Report ]

  // A flower made out of a kleenex
  Stefan: I made you a flower Ms. Chhabra
  Chhabra: Good, next time I need to blow my nose, I'll use that. Its very nice, he killed two birds with one tissue.

  Tags: chhabra

• #1091 + (+56)/56 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Williams: I don't think that I'm very good with younger kids. One time a boy came up to me and his voice was cracking and I thought "Oh my god it's a tranvestite!".

  Tags: williams

• #532 + (+56)/60 - [ Report ]

  // Mrs. Hennig is reviewing terms for an upcoming test on galaxies
  Hennig: What is a "zone of avoidance"?
  Matt Isakowitz: Freshman Hall.

  Tags: hennig matt_isakowitz

• #419 + (+56)/62 - [ Report ]

  // After finding out that someone used a children's book in their genocide presentation
  Mr. Sacks: See Dick. See Dick commit genocide.
  See Jane. See Jane ethnically cleanse.
  See minority Bob. Run, Bob, run.

  Tags: sacks

• #135 + (+56)/62 - [ Report ]

  TheDanTran: doing your computer on the homework takes soo much longer

  Tags: dan_tran

• #5827 + (+55)/55 - [ Report ]

  // Forming co-ed ultimate frisbee teams in P.E., one team doesn't have any girls
  Student 1: We don't need girls, they'll just slow us down!
  Coach Davis: Good luck on prom night.

  Tags: davis

• #4716 + (+55)/63 - [ Report ]

  // Girl Scout Cookies
  G: Yeah, they're a major source of revenue for Girl Scouts.
  T, just walking up: What? Prostitution?

• #4260 + (+55)/61 - [ Report ]

  Chhabra: Aaahhhh... isn't that marker better? Can't you all see now?
  Gabe: OOOH I GET IT NOW!
  Chhabra: See, it was the marker, was it not?
  Gabe: It's like my lucky marker. Can I have it?
  Chhabra: Can I have it? Can I have it? Can I have it?
  Class: ?
  Chhabra: Don't you guys watch Mad TV?

  Tags: chhabra

• #4245 + (+55)/61 - [ Report ]

  // In optics class
  Mr. Latham: ...so this is why we see light. Got it?
  Jimmy: Wow, you have to be on drugs to understand this.
  Mr. Latham: ...
  Lenny: Maybe that's why Dr. Dell is so good at physics...

  Tags: dell latham optics

• #4125 + (+55)/59 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Majeske: I have three children.  They all went to law school.  My greatest nightmare is that one day they will create Majeske law firm and all sue me.

  Tags: majeske

• #4068 + (+55)/73 - [ Report ]

  // FLE with Ms. Rosenblum
  Ms. Rosenblum: Everyone is female when they're first forming in the uterus, so female is like the default setting.
  Gabe: So being male is like an upgrade?
  Class: Oooooooh!
  Ms. Rosenblum: *sigh*

  Tags: fle rosenblum

• #3752 + (+55)/63 - [ Report ]

  Ms. Spoden: Well, one time I had a student named X in Linear Algebra who got a 0/10 on a true/false quiz.
  Ms. Spoden: After that, we had to have a lot of "Points For X" quizzes.
  Ms. Spoden: He got a B+ and everyone else had like 120%.

  Tags: spoden

• #3693 + (+55)/59 - [ Report ]

  // In AI while Mr. Torbert is giving a lecture
  // An announcement over the PA declares a level 2 lockdown drill
  PA: Will all non-crisis-management security staff please secure the hallways...
  Torbert: "Non-crisis-management security staff"? Isn't that like non-instructional teaching staff...?

  Tags: torbert

• #3367 + (+55)/55 - [ Report ]

  // Discussing video games
  Mr. Blackwell: You know, I'm thinking of developing my own video game called "Substitute Teacher." It will have all the violence and sex that I experience in my every day life as a sub! If you have any ideas for cool explosions, let me know.

  Tags: blackwell

• #3277 + (+55)/57 - [ Report ]

  // Mr. Torrence is talking about the Cedarfest riots and has just cleverly referred to beer as a "social lubricant."
  Mr. Torrence: However, I would warn you not to use beer as any other type of lubricant.
  Mr. Torrence: It _will_ _not_ _work._
  Mr. Torrence: ...
  Mr. Torrence: ...I am talking about in your car, of course.

  Tags: torrence

• #3274 + (+55)/61 - [ Report ]

  // Patrick would like to perform the musical "Once Upon a Mattress" (about the Princess and the Pea), but it seems unlikely to happen
  Patrick: So, I guess we can screw "Once Upon a Mattress."
  Luke: What was that?
  Patrick: Um, I guess we can FORGET "Once Upon a Mattress."

• #3214 + (+55)/67 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Rosenfeld: So, for those of you behind on news from Europe, France has apparently been getting nailed by some huge storm or somesuch.
  Ian, loudly: Have they surrendered yet?

  Tags: rosenfeld

• #2951 + (+55)/55 - [ Report ]

  // Hungry in Chem class
  Greg: I wish sig figs were real figs.  'Cause you can eat real figs.

  Tags: greg_vernon

• #2674 + (+55)/63 - [ Report ]

  Mr. Sacks: So hypothetically, if you're 22 and you have a wife and a child, and absolutely nothing else in modern day and you're given the choice to go back in time and become a hunter-gatherer, do you do it?
  Someone: You have a wife right?
  Mr. Sacks: Well she's more of a mating partner.
  Sam Zhang: Can you have multiple mating partners?
  -laughter-
  Eric, smiling: So you're sleeping in a car?
  Mr. Sacks: Eric's like, 'Yeah! I'm sleeping with a woman!'
  Mr. Williams: Oh, that happened to me once...

  Tags: sacks williams

• #2285 + (+55)/59 - [ Report ]

  // Describing how two people's solos were too different in Jazz band
  Ms. Ulrey: It's like one of you said "I went to the store" and the other said "Speaking of shoes, it looks like rain".

  Tags: ulrey

• #1784 + (+55)/59 - [ Report ]

  *students all say what they did over the memorial day weekend*
  Mr. Rosenfeld: I had a great time with my family, especially since my wife's husband took over the chore of playing with the kids...
  Students: Your wife has another husband...?
  Mr. Rosenfeld: *stutter*
  // He meant to say his sister's husband

  Tags: rosenfeld

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