Top Quotes
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#1084 + ( )/3014 - [ Report ]
// From the late 90s, but classic nevertheless...
Mr. McFaden: *walking through a chattering class, very quietly* Sex.
Class: *keeps talking, does not notice*
Mr. McFaden: *still very quietly* Extra credit.
Class: *perks up* Did you say extra credit? What?
Mr. McFaden: From a biological standpoint, that's just WRONG. -
#2856 + ( )/693 - [ Report ]
// There has been midnight vandalism in the neighborhood. The police are interviewing a TJ kid's mom.
Police: Do you have any children?
Mom: Yes, I have two.
Police: And what ages are they?
Mom: Sixteen, and -
Police: *suddenly interested* And what school does he go to?
Mom: Thomas Jefferson.
Police: Oh, never mind. -
#2777 + ( )/565 - [ Report ]
// Talking about Angelina Jolie being Grendel's mom in the new Beowulf movie
Connor: Well I mean, it's gotta be harder for Beowulf now. I mean you look at a big ugly monster and your first thought is "stab it!" You look at a soaking wet Angelina Jolie and your first thought is--
Siggi: Still "Stab i-"
Mr. Miller: STOP THERE. -
#2365 + ( )/559 - [ Report ]
// Discussing the upcoming Level 2 crisis drill
Ethan: Yeah, we're like number 38 on the list of the 50 most likely spots for a terrorist attack.
Mr. Struck: Really?
Ethan: Yeah, I think it's because if the SysLab gets taken out then the pentagon loses internet or something. -
#1693 + ( )/499 - [ Report ]
// In the middle of Spanish, Brendan passes a note to Nolan
Nolan: Sra. Pou, I think you should read this note Brendan passed me...
Brendan: No! I didn't write that!
Sra. Pou: (reading note to class) "Tu madre es gordo y homosexuál". Very well done, the note is even in Spanish! You even put an accent in homosexual! Now, the only thing wrong with it is it should be gorda, not gordo since it is tu madre, which is feminine. Muy bien!
// Sra. Pou hands note back to Nolan, Brendan sighs in relief. -
#1609 + ( )/482 - [ Report ]
Student: Mr.Stueben, do you want a mint?
Mr. Stueben: No, I never take candy from students in case it's poisoned.
Student: What about a wrapped Snickers bar?
Mr. Stueben: I would still take it home and feed it to my dog first, to test it.
Mr. Stueben: I have lost 3 dogs that way.
Me: You know chocolate is poisonous to dogs, right?
Mr. Stueben: Now you tell me! So late in my career!